Page 90 - English for Writing Research Papers

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In the OV below, the – ing form is used instead of a relative clause: the author could
have written which indicates . In such cases, you can break the sentence immediately
before the – ing form and then start a new sentence with This .

original version (ov) revised version (rv)
As can be seen from Table 1, As can be seen from Table 1, the concentrations
the concentrations were far were far higher than expected especially in the
higher than expected especially first set of samples. This indicates that one cause

in the first set of samples, of pollution was …
indicating that one cause
of pollution was …

4.12 Limit the number of commas in the same sentence

When commas are used in lists, they are fi ne:
Many European countries are now part of the European union, these include France,
Germany, Italy, Portugal, Spain, …
However, when commas are used to separate various clauses within a sentence,
readers have to constantly adjust their thinking. Also, the more commas there are in
a sentence, the longer the sentence is likely to be.

original version (ov) revised version (rv)
As a preliminary study, in an Our aim was to see if there is a direct
attempt to establish a relationship relationship between the length of documents
between document length and produced in a country, and the length of time it
level of bureaucracy, we analyzed takes to do simple bureaucratic tasks in that
the length of 50 European Union country. Our hypothesis was: the longer the
documents, written in seven of the document, the greater the level of bureaucracy.

official languages of the EU, to In our preliminary study we analyzed

confirm whether documents, such translations from English into seven of the
as reports regarding legislative official languages of the European Union. We

and administrative issues, vary chose 50 documents, mostly regarding legislative
substantially in length from one and administrative issues. We then looked at
language to another, and whether the length of time typically needed to carry
this could be related, in some way, out daily administrative tasks in those countries.
to the length of time typically The tasks we selected were withdrawing money
needed to carry out daily from a bank account, setting up bill payments
administrative tasks in those with utility providers, and understanding the
countries (e.g. withdrawing money clauses of an insurance contract.
from a bank account, setting up bill
payments with utility providers, The results showed that …
understanding the clauses of an
insurance contract). The results
showed that …