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Chaplain's Corner

Make Time to Prepare for Redemption

BY RABBI BARRY COHEN
We have a month to get our
We all know the long-stand-
ing joke: The High Holidays spiritual house in order, well
always run early or run late
(despite that they always oc- before the High Holidays begin.
cur on the same dates in the
lunar-based Hebrew calendar.) heal our relationship with our- year? Ugh….
They only feel early or late selves, and, if we possess a per- On reflection (every time),
because we gauge the holidays sonal faith, heal our relation- I ask myself, “Is it really that
by how they fall relative to the ship with God. In particular, to big of a deal? It’s only dishes
solar calendar. say that these past months have and garbage. My kids are …
This year, they are even ear- tested familial relationships is well … just being teenagers.”
lier (relatively speaking): Rosh an understatement. We have But each time this happens, it
Hashanah begins at sundown been forced to live in close is part of a much greater con-
Sept. 6. quarters; to varying degrees, text of a pressure-filled world Rabbi Barry Cohen is the
A tradition teaches that we are we slept, ate, worked, studied that feels like Groundhog Day: Jewish community chaplain of
to use the days between Rosh and did homework in the same the stresses, strains, fears and the Greater Portland area.
Hashanah and Yom Kippur to space or one room over. At the anxieties of a pandemic world;
reflect on the year that was. same time, we were tested by a polarized nation, politically These words will not magical-
We are supposed to do this as stresses, pressures, anxieties and culturally; reminders to ly heal our relationships. But
objectively as possible. We are and fears from multiple angles. wear masks, socially distance, through heartfelt communica-
to confront what we did or did If I had documented the words wash our hands, etc., etc., etc. tion, we can create an opportu-
not do, how we feel about our with my high school-aged Who pays the price of this re- nity for further discussion. We
decisions and how others feel children that I wish I had not ality? The people we live with. can begin to clear the air. We
about our choices. spoken, that list would be long. Too many times, I have unnec- can listen to our loved ones in a
This practice reveals Juda- During the past year, I have had essarily inflicted my kids with nonjudgmental way, acknowl-
ism’s inherent health, effective- to ask forgiveness from them, guilt. Too many times, I have edge what we have done and
ness and relevancy. By taking and I have had to forgive my- felt like a failing father. pledge to repair the harm we
a hard, honest look at the pre- self. Fortunately, there is a way out have inflicted.
vious year, we can recognize A recurring point of conflict? of this Groundhog Day mess. This process is not easy. I have
how we could have done better. The dishes and garbage. One of Judaism offers two beautiful had to learn to check my ego,
We can be accountable. We can my son's and daughter’s respon- traditions. We need not wait admit my mistakes and commit
dedicate ourselves to heal rela- sibilities is to empty the clean until the days between Rosh myself to making better choic-
tionships we tarnished. dishes from the dishwasher and Hashanah and Yom Kippur to es. I hope that I am teaching
This tradition runs counter to move the dirty dishes from the reflect on the year that was and my children the importance of
current prevailing values. Far sink to the dishwasher. They begin the process of making self-critique as a means of ac-
too many of us deny responsi- also have to take out the gar- amends. Rather, we can use the countability, communication
bility for our words and actions bage when it is full. entire Hebrew month of Elul, and healing.
and reject accountability. We I imagine many of you can which precedes Rosh Hasha- Another tradition teaches that
refuse to admit we have inflict- relate to how this feels: It’s the nah. Elul begins on Aug. 9. We we have truly atoned when
ed any damage, and at the same end of a long day. I went to the have a month to get our spiri- we find ourselves in the same
time blame the person claiming grocery store on the way home. tual house in order, well before situation where we previous-
to have been wronged. What is waiting for me? An un- the High Holidays begin. ly sinned, but this time make
Judaism demands us to do the emptied dishwasher, a sink full Another useful tradition is to healthy decisions. I’ll see if I
opposite as a sacred responsi- of dirty dishes and an overflow- sit down with our loved ones am making progress when I re-
bility. Whether or not we want ing garbage can. How do I re- and simply say, “If there is turn home this evening and find
to makes no difference. act? I lose my temper and raise anything I did to you during an unemptied dishwasher, a
Judaism instructs us to heal my voice. How many times did the previous year to hurt you, sink filled with dirty dishes and
our relationship with others, this happen during the previous please accept my apology.” an overflowing garbage can …

Rabbi's Corner
In addition to the Chaplain's Corner, The Jewish Review offers space for a Rabbi's Corner each issue. Our
community's rabbis are invited to share their thoughts on the week's parsha or current events. The Oregon
Board of Rabbis organized the project.
Rabbis are invited to schedule a date to submit a 500- to 600-word piece.
For more information or to schedule a column, email editor@jewishportland.org.

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