Page 166 - Kolaj Sharodiya Review Edition

The Guilt

Sandeep Chatterjee

It was a dark October night. Rajmohan was looking at the road from his window at Ekdalia Park. He could still hear the weeping of women in the other room. He had come
back from the crematorium after finishing the last rites of his father. It had been tough for him to accept that his father was no more but more so because he had kept his father
at an Alzheimer Care Centre for the last 3 years. Did he make a mistake? Did he shy away from his responsibilities for someone who had given his everything for him? A strange
guilt had encompassed him. He was seeing a flashback of his own life in front of him.

Rajmohan was born in the small town of Daltonganj where his father worked at Gokool Ice Cream Factory. His father was the eldest among four siblings and was the ideal son
and brother. Rajmohan’s mother was the youngest among two sisters and hailed from the town of Hazaribagh. Rajmohan’s father was a chemical engineer and was one of
the best at Gokool. Rajmohan was born on 25 Nov, 1970 at a small hospital in Daltonganj. Though he was born premature and suffered from a plethora of diseases, his mother’s
care helped him build his immunity.

Rajmohan’s childhood was spent in poverty as his father was still trying to establish himself and had no money to buy him toys. Additionally, his father had the additional burden
of supporting his parents, his siblings and his mother’s brothers. Whenever Rajmohan asked for a toy, it was told to him that it is meant for display only. As a result, he was a very
quiet child and was easy bullied by his peers. But the best part was that his parents always left him to fight his own battles which made him immensely strong emotionally, and
independent as well.

When he was 10 years old, his father had already established himself well, and there was a need felt to move him to a boarding school as the school at Daltonganj was a basic
one and the faculty consisted of the spouses of the personnel of Gokool Ice Cream Factory. Rajmohan was a bright student and was always at the top of the class. But he was
always mentally prepared by his mother that he has to leave house. And with flying colors, Rajmohan secured admission at one of the best schools in the country.

And then one fine January morning, Rajmohan and his parents started for the admission at the new school at Belur. It was a heart breaking moment for his mother to stay
without her own child, but this iron lady never showed it in front of Rajmohan. Rajmohan, himself, was bullish about the school and given his mental conditioning, was ecstatic
about his new journey. Though he was a shy person, he made good friends and became even more independent.

Life at the school was a much disciplined one and it was development of all round senses rather than studies alone. Rajmohan just loved it. He did well academically as well as
in extra-curricular activities. The only thing which bothered him was that he saw less of his parents who used to come once in two months and the usual vacations. Though his
parents did not have a very happy marriage but it was a cordial one. There were conflicts at home which used to trouble Rajmohan a lot and to this date, he still has a problem
handling conflicts. The school was an all-boys one but Rajmohan had a crush in Daltonganj which remained a crush.

After finishing his high school with his held high, Rajmohan secured a seat in one of the premier engineering colleges in the country. He always had a thing for ‘Do it Yourself’
tasks and hence Mechanical Engineering was the natural choice. Life in the engineering college was in an auto-pilot mode and was uneventful. There were enough vices
available in the eco-system but Rajmohan stayed away from all that. He fell in love with somebody but that remained a one-sided one and hence never materialized. At the
end, he was hired by one of the big steel makers in the country.

Life has never been better and Rajmohan had a great time at Jamshedpur. He used to come home once in six months but he was very well on the path to a successful career.
Out of peer pressure, he fell into the trap of a higher education in US. He wanted to go badly, but his mother always had the fear that he may never come back. So he had to
shelve the idea of a higher education in US and instead chose to pursue Masters in Business Administration from one of the premier colleges in New Delhi.