Page 112 - SHERLOCK transcripts

111

SHERLOCK: Belarus. Open and shut domestic murder. Not worth my time.
JOHN (sarcastically): Ah, shame(!)
(He walks into the kitchen and throws up his arms in despair at the mess on the table which
greets him. He heads towards the fridge.)
JOHN: Anything in? I’m starving.
(He opens the fridge door.)
JOHN: Oh, f...
(He immediately slams it shut again, unable to believe what he just saw inside. He slumps
against the door for a moment, his head lowered, then he straightens up and opens the door
again. On the shelf inside is a man’s head, cut off at the neck, the face looking towards the
door. He stares at it for a couple of seconds, then quietly closes the door again.)
JOHN: It’s a head.
(He turns and calls out.)
JOHN: A severed head!
SHERLOCK: Just tea for me, thanks.
JOHN (walking back into the living room): No, there’s a head in the fridge.
SHERLOCK (calmly): Yes.
JOHN: A bloody head!
SHERLOCK (stroppily): Well, where else was I supposed to put it? (He looks round at John.) You
don’t mind, do you?
(John holds out his hands despairingly and looks back towards the fridge.)
SHERLOCK: I got it from Bart’s morgue.
(John buries his head in one hand.)
SHERLOCK: I’m measuring the coagulation of saliva after death.
(He waves his hand vaguely in the direction of a nearby laptop.)
SHERLOCK: I see you’ve written up the taxi driver case.
JOHN (throwing one last glance at the fridge): Uh, yes.
(He walks over to Sherlock’s armchair and sits down.)
SHERLOCK: “A Study in Pink.” Nice(!)
JOHN: Well, you know, pink lady, pink case, pink phone – there was a lot of pink. Did you like
it?
(Even as John has been speaking, Sherlock has picked up a magazine from the coffee table and
he now flips it open and addresses his answer to the pages.)
SHERLOCK: Erm, no.
JOHN: Why not? I thought you’d be flattered.
SHERLOCK (lowering the magazine and glaring at him): Flattered? (He raises his index fingers
and narrates a section of the blog.) “Sherlock sees through everything and everyone in
seconds. What’s incredible, though, is how spectacularly ignorant he is about some things.”
JOHN: Now hang on a minute. I didn’t mean that in a ...
SHERLOCK (interrupting): Oh, you meant “spectacularly ignorant” in a nice way(!) Look, it
doesn’t matter to me who’s Prime Minister ...
JOHN (quietly): I know ...
SHERLOCK: ... or who’s sleeping with who ...
[... or whether Mr Grammar Policeman knows that he ought to have said ‘who’s sleeping with
whom’ ...]
JOHN (softly): Whether the Earth goes round the Sun ...
SHERLOCK: Not that again. It’s not important.
JOHN: Not impor...
(He shifts his position in the chair to face Sherlock.)
JOHN: It’s primary school stuff. How can you not know that?
SHERLOCK (pressing the heels of his palms to his eyes): Well, if I ever did, I’ve deleted it.
JOHN: “Deleted it”?
SHERLOCK (swinging his legs around to the floor and sitting up to face John): Listen. (He points
to his head with one finger.) This is my hard drive, and it only makes sense to put things in
there that are useful ... really useful.
(He grimaces.)
SHERLOCK: Ordinary people fill their heads with all kinds of rubbish, and that makes it hard to
get at the stuff that matters. Do you see?
(John looks at him for a moment, trying to bite his lip but then can’t contain himself.)
JOHN: But it’s the solar system!
(Sherlock briefly buries his head in his hands.)

Transcripts by Ariane DeVere (arianedevere@livejournal.com)