Page 417 - SHERLOCK transcripts

416

JOHN: No, I do it loads.
MARY: You really don’t.
JOHN: I choose the baby’s name.
MARY: Not a chance.
JOHN: Okay.
(They tightly hug again.)

Outside the cottage, Mycroft and Sherlock are idly wandering along the path in the front garden
towards the gate. Each of them is holding a lit cigarette.
MYCROFT: I’m glad you’ve given up on the Magnussen business.
SHERLOCK: Are you?
MYCROFT (stopping): I’m still curious, though. He’s hardly your usual kind of puzzle. Why do
you ... hate him?
SHERLOCK (turning back to face him): Because he attacks people who are different and preys
on their secrets. Why don’t you?
MYCROFT: He never causes too much damage to anyone important. He’s far too intelligent for
that. He’s a business-man, that’s all, and occasionally useful to us. A necessary evil – not a
dragon for you to slay.
(He takes a drag on his cigarette while Sherlock smiles and walks back to his side.)
SHERLOCK: A dragon slayer. Is that what you think of me?
(He turns as he pulls on his own cigarette. They stand side by side with their backs to the
cottage.)
MYCROFT (smiling): No. (He looks at his brother.) It’s what you think of yourself.
(The cottage door opens behind them and Mrs Holmes comes out onto the step.)
MRS HOLMES (crossly): Are you two smoking?
(The boys rapidly spin round to face her, frantically holding their cigarettes behind their backs
as they look guiltily at her.)
MYCROFT: No!
SHERLOCK (almost simultaneously): It was Mycroft.
(She gives them a suspicious look, then goes back inside and shuts the door. Sherlock – looking
every inch the naughty schoolboy who thinks he has got away with being bad and is feeling
very smug about it – blows out a long plume of smoke in the direction of the door. Mycroft
wanders a few paces towards the door, then slowly turns back again as he speaks.)
MYCROFT: I have, by the way, a job offer I should like you to decline.
SHERLOCK: I decline your kind offer.
MYCROFT: I shall pass on your regrets.
SHERLOCK: What was it?
MYCROFT: MI6 – they want to place you back into Eastern Europe. An undercover assignment
that would prove fatal to you in, I think, about six months.
(Sherlock, who had started to raise his cigarette to his lips, lowers it again and looks a little
surprised.)
SHERLOCK: Then why don’t you want me to take it?
MYCROFT (turning to look at him): It’s tempting ... but on balance you have more utility closer
to home.
SHERLOCK: Utility(!) How do I have utility?
(He takes a drag on his cigarette. Mycroft shrugs slightly.)
MYCROFT: “Here be dragons.”
(He takes a pull on his own cigarette, then holds it up to look at, frowning. He coughs.)
MYCROFT: This isn’t agreeing with me. I’m going in.
(He drops the cigarette onto the path and treads it out, then turns and walks towards the door.)
SHERLOCK: You need low tar. You still smoke like a beginner.
(Mycroft slows down and stops before he reaches the door. He pauses for a moment before
speaking.)
MYCROFT (without turning round): Also, your loss would break my heart.
(Sherlock had just started to take a drag on his cigarette and now he chokes and coughs before
turning to look at his brother, who still hasn’t turned around.)
SHERLOCK: What the hell am I supposed to say to that?!
MYCROFT (turning round and holding out his arms a little): “Merry Christmas”?
SHERLOCK: You hate Christmas.
MYCROFT (pretending to look puzzled): Yes. (He smiles a little.) Perhaps there was something
in the punch.

Transcripts by Ariane DeVere (arianedevere@livejournal.com)