Page 36 - Marie Claire Australia (January 2020)
P. 36
NEWSFEED
Or, in other words, “Hey, Ali, how’d you manage
to fuck up your pregnancy?” The underlying message
of those reactions suggested there was blame to
be placed on me, as if I had control of the very
unfortunate outcome. When you go through
something as tragic as a miscarriage, the last thing
you want is to feel like it was your fault. I didn’t want
to share what had happened with anyone, because
I was scared they would think my body was
fundamentally defective. And I also didn’t want to
bum people out. It’s very hard to tell someone you
had a miscarriage and then casually go back to
eating hand-pulled noodles and talking shit about
the latest comedians getting into a Twitter battle.
Here’s my tip for the best thing to say when
someone tells you she miscarried: “I’m so sorry to
hear that.” That’s all you have to say. Other responses
Ali Wong “I know so many women who have had a miscarriage
I would’ve appreciated are: “How are you feeling?” or
and, it sucks, but you’re not alone” or “Here’s a frozen
bag of dumplings my mum who used to have a
dumpling shop in Shanghai made.”
It helps so much to know
WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT... you’re not the only one who has “I FOUND
had one, because then you realise COMFORT IN
MISCARRIAGE don’t discriminate, and there is BEYONCÉ
it’s not your fault. Miscarriages
KNOWING
nothing I could’ve done. I found
great comfort in knowing that MISCARRIED:
WE’RE PART OF
Beyoncé also miscarried. If the
The comedian, actress and author opens up about goddess queen had a miscarriage, A SPECIAL CLUB”
losing her baby at 11 weeks – and how she learnt it’s OK that I had one too. In fact,
to cope with insensitive responses we are part of a special club now. Actually, now it’s
like I’m friends with Beyoncé. And, by extension, I
I she had a miscarriage too and writes about it in her
am now besties with Michelle Obama (spoiler alert:
was 31 years old when I decided to try for a
family with my husband. We used these 100
awesome book) and Barack, and nobody understands
for $10 ovulation strips on Amazon. They came
what it’s like to be us, right? That’s what I’ll say in the
from China, packaged in a cheap ziplock bag
with no instructions. After one month of
aforementioned scheduled sex, I was pregnant. I deposition when I get arrested for hugging them to
death. It is one thing to hear the statistic that one in
was so happy and told all of my friends, my family, four pregnancies will result in a miscarriage. But
my co-workers and lots and lots of strangers. Then, it’s another thing to put faces to actual women
11 weeks into the pregnancy, I started spotting. who have experienced the same loss, like the
That night I had a miscarriage. Now I know why beautiful face of my BFF Beyoncé. Because I was
you’re supposed to wait until after the first trimester forced to be so open about having a miscarriage,
to tell people that you’re pregnant. It’s very rude to women privately shared their own personal stories
ask a woman if she’s pregnant or if she’s trying of loss and I remember every single one.
because you have no idea how long or how hard After that I did my best to convert my grief
she’s tried. If she is pregnant, that might not be into a celebration of my unexpected but suddenly
information she’s ready to share. If you end up extended independence. I decided to view it as a
having a miscarriage (which is very common), bonus round of opportunities, to do whatever I
you don’t want to then be forced to tell everyone the wanted. That is to say, I discovered the joy of edibles.
bad news. I couldn’t believe some of the insensitive Every weekend, I’d eat a weed gummy, watch a Hayao PHOTOGRAPHY BY GETTY IMAGES. EDITED BY ALLEY PASCOE.
responses I got when I told people about my loss. Miyazaki movie, blissfully sink into the couch, and
Here are the top five: eat sashimi. It was like an awesome bachelorette
1. WHY? party where I didn’t have to leave my house and the
2. Well, did you take folic acid? maid of honour was an animated Japanese cat-bus.
3. It was probably from all the performing.
4. (Were) you stressed out? Dear Girls by Ali Wong (Penguin Random House
5. Was the doctor able to determine the cause? Australia, $29.99) is out now.
36 | marieclaire.com.au
