Page 40 - Mother & Baby - UK (March 2020)

THE POWER OF ONE

hen are you planning the Kelly Bennett. ‘The comments in regard to
next one? It’s a question him being lonely, alone, bored and spoiled
no new mother relishes have been mentioned so many times. It’s not
– a new baby uses a lot a great feeling to hear that, but my husband
of head-space, without and I know in our hearts that we’re doing
Wthe thought of doing the right thing for us.’
it all over again immediately! But perhaps Why is it that people feel entitled to share
you’re among the growing number of mums MEET THE these views with parents? ‘People can be
deciding that, actually, one is enough to EXPERT judgmental and are stuck in stereotypes
complete your family. There are many reasons dating back to 1896 [when prominent
why, from money to the environment, age Susan Newman, psychologists accused only-children of
and health concerns, to just wanting to give PhD, is a social traits including over-sensitivity, a lack of
all of your attention to your baby – so no psychologist, and bravery and being conceited.] But having
wonder it’s an increasingly popular decision. author of The Case
‘The benefits of having an only child more for the Only Child
than counterbalance any negatives,’ says and Parenting an
Susan Newman, a social psychologist. Only Child; susan
‘I actually find many parents who grew up as newmanphd.com
only children are having one child themselves,
as they were so happy with their childhood.’
So what do parents of one need to consider?

GROWING SOLO
Get used to seeing more parents collecting ‘Before we had
a single child from nursery – it’s a rising Harry we thought we’d
trend. More than a third of married couples have a second, but it quickly
(39 per cent), just under half of cohabiting became apparent it would be hard to
couples (49 per cent) and 55 per cent of lone parent two at different stages the way
parents have opted for one child, according we parent Harry, in terms of time and
to ONS statistics from 2018. attention. I run my own business and
While, of course, having one child may I love that I can give Harry everything
not be a choice for many families who have he needs in terms of my time. And the
struggled to conceive a longed-for second activities we do are age-appropriate
baby, for others, there are myriad reasons and based on what he likes.’
why it makes sense to stop after one. ‘People Lauren Peacock, 39, from
are marrying later, there are more single Skipton, is mum to
women having children, many women Harry, three
want more education or job security, and
there are housing costs and the costs of
raising a child,’ says Susan.
For Ruth McAuley, the reasons were health
related. ‘My son had silent reflux when he
was born and cried a lot. I loved him instantly
but found things difficult. My son is a happy
toddler now and I adore him, but I don’t want
to put my family through that again.’ Another
motivation increasingly growing traction
is the effect we all have on the planet. ‘We
chose to have only one child for financial and
environmental reasons,’ says Alexandra Clay.

IS ONE THE LONELIEST NUMBER?
More of us are choosing to be ‘one and done’,
but there are still assumptions made about
only children that aren’t often levelled at
older, middle or youngest children.
Almost all of the mums of one we’ve talked
to about the downsides of parenting an only
child have named comments from other
people as the worst. ‘While we are happy
with our little family, it seems to a lot of
people think we have made a mistake,’ says

38 | Mar ch 2020 | mothe ra ndbaby.co.uk