Page 59 - You - South Africa (February 2020)
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YOU LEISURE
LAUGH A LITTLE Fancy yourself a joker? Email original jokes to chuckles@you.co.za or send them to
Chuckles, YOU, PO Box 7167, Roggebaai 8012, and we may publish them on this page.
ABOUT TIME
Man: “What’s a century like to you?” PRESS FEATURES
God: “It’s like a short second.”
Man: “What’s a billion rand like to you?”
God: “Like a cent.”
Man: “Can I have a cent?”
God: “Hmm. Just wait a second . . .”
IF YOU DON’T ASK . . .
Reaching the end of a job interview, the hu-
man resources manager asks the young MBA
graduate fresh out of university, “And what
starting salary were you looking for?”
The candidate says, “In the neighbourhood
of R50 000 a month, depending on the bene-
fits package.”
The human resources manager says, “Well,
what would you say to a package of five
weeks’ leave, 14 paid public holidays, full med-
ical and dental, company matching retirement
fund to 50% of salary and a company car “I’d tell you what mansplaining means, Loretta, but you probably wouldn’t understand.”
leased every two years – say, a red Ferrari?”
The graduate sits up straight and exclaims, ONETOO MANY “I don’t thinks so,” the stranger replies. “I’ve
“Wow! Are you kidding?” A man walks into a bar with a tiger and they been living here since I died twenty years ago
And the human resources manager replies, proceed to drink so much that the tiger pass- and I haven’t seen one yet.”
“Certainly. But you started it.” es out and falls to the floor.
As the man is leaving, the barman shouts at HEAD-HUNTED
ONE-LINE WISDOM him, “Hey, sir, you can’t leave that lying there!” Employee to boss: “I’d best have a salary
S Never date a tennis player; to them love The man replies, “I know I’m drunk but even increase, Sir.Three companies are after me.”
means nothing. I can see that’s a tiger, not a lion!” Boss: “Oh, really? I find that hard to believe.
S Change is inevitable, except from a vending Which companies are they?”
machine. FALSE NOTE Employee: “Well, if you must know, it’s the
S A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk Tom’s brother Phil is a terrible musician but furniture store,Telkom and my bank.”
drawer. is encouraged by his family’s enthusiastic ap-
S A day without sunshine is like . . . night. plause at his performances. But today Phil’s OUTOF ORBIT
S Women who seek to be equal to men lack in-laws have also attended his performance. Teacher: “Tomorrow there will be a lecture on
ambition. “Have you heard my last performance?” Phil Pluto and Neptune. Everyone must attend it.”
S The hardness of butter is directly propor- asks his mother-in-law. Student: “I’m sorry,Teacher, but my mom
tionate to the softness of the bread. “I certainly hope so!” she replies. would never let me travel that far.”
S “Those who live by the sword get shot by
those who don’t.” – James Scott McEwan WHO YOU GONNA CALL? QUICK REMEDY
New young wife to her husband: “Wake up . . . A woman on a commuter train is reading a
JUST DO AS I SAY Call the police. Some thieves have broken into newspaper article about mortality rates.
An old blacksmith realises he’ll soon have to our house. I think they’re now eating the food Fascinated, she turns to the man next to
stop working so hard. He picks out a strong I made last night.” her and asks, “Did you know that every time
young man to become his apprentice. Husband: “Oh! In that case we’d better call I breathe somebody dies?”
The old guy is a crabby and exacting black- an ambulance . . .” “Really,” he says, “have you tried a good
smith. “Don’t ask me a lot of questions,” he mouthwash?”
tells the young man. “Just do whatever I tell SAFETY IN NUMBERS
you to do, no questions asked. Obedience is a A man is walking along the road next to a AISLE BE THERE
virtue.” graveyard at midnight. It’s dark and he’s A couple returning after interval can’t find
This works well for the first day. But on the anxious. Fortunately he sees another man their seats in the dark theatre.The husband
second day the old blacksmith takes an iron walking along the road ahead of him. He in- asks a man on the aisle, “Did someone step
out of the forge and places it on the anvil. creases his pace so he can catch up with the on your foot on the way out for the break?”
“Get the hammer over there,” he says. stranger for company. “Yes, you did,” the guy replies politely,
“When I nod my head, hit it real good and hard.” With a nervous smile he turns to the expecting an apology.
Now the town is looking for a new black- stranger and says: “It looks very scary around “Okay, honey,” the husband says to his wife.
smith. here. I hope there are no ghosts lurking about.” “This is our row.” S
you.co.za 6 FEBRUARY 2020 | 57
