Page 6 - You - South Africa (February 2020)

YOU SAY
‘I was happy – until the
emotional abuse and
AST year my husband did a
photojournalism series in
which he asked people what
makes them happy. One
Lwomantoldhim,“Seeingmy
sonhappymakesmehappy.”
Shefollowedupwithananecdote
about her Grade 1 boy missing a
much-anticipated class outing to
Kirstenbosch because, in the mad
morningrush,she’dforgottentosign
hispermissionslip.Whenhecouldn’t
produce it, he wasn’t allowed to go.
Sohehadtostaybehindintheoffice
and when she came to fetch him he
burst into tears. She felt terrible.
Couldn’t they just have taken him?
No,theysaid,rulesarerules.
“So that weekend I took him to
Kirstenbosch and when I watched
him laughing as he ran down the
lawnIwashappy.”
In the case of Enock Mpianzi, his
parents did sign a form and Enock
wentonhiscamp–andnevercame
back(seepage16).
The Kirstenbosch mom’s school
did the right thing, and disappoint-
ment was the only outcome. The
Mpianzis did the right thing too –
andtheoutcomewastragedy.
The issue of permission slips and
indemnity forms is now a subject of
hotdebate–seepage18formoreon
school forms, your rights and who’s
liablewhenthingsgowrong.
YOU subscribes to the SA Press Code, committing us to YOU’S PUZZLES ARETOPS
journalism that’s true, accurate, fair and balanced. If you feel I’m a puzzles addict. I enjoy each and terferes in our family time together.
we don’t comply, call the Press Ombudsman on 011-484-3612
or email pressombudsman@ombudsman.org.za.
6 | 6 FEBRUARY 2020 you.co.za
WINNING IT JUST WASN’T WORTH IT
LETTER
FIRMLY believe I endured a lot, always reckoning that
neglect began’ every woman, young the money made up for the bad treat-
I or old, must know ment I received.
her self-worth. But I couldn’t handle the pain of being
I’m a single working mistreated and after considering my
woman in my fifties who was in love for financial situation, as unmanageable as
the past five years. it was, I decided to end that toxic rela-
My man had a well-paid job and al- tionship.
ways helped me financially, but only if I Here I am, starting 2020 with a no-
asked. Unfortunately I had to ask often nonsense attitude. Still the same strug-
as I could barely cope on my salary. gles but with my dignity intact. No luxu-
Nevertheless I was living in comfort ries, no comfort, but walking tall and
and thought I was happy, until the emo- proud of the woman I am.
tional abuse and neglect began. LESSONS LEARNT, EMAIL
• Email letters@you.co.za • SMS 36489
TALK TO US • Post YOU, PO Box 7167, Roggebaai 8012
Letters should be no longer than 200 words. Opinions expressed here aren’t necessarily
those of YOU’s editorial team. We can’t undertake to reply to all letters. The sender of the
winning letter receives R300.
YOU NEWS
MAKE THE LEAP – YOU and each one is a challenge. I’m 70 and
REALLY CAN DO IT!
Anewyearistheperfecttimetomakealife-changingdecision. the puzzles really keep my mind func-
Here’showtogoaboutit–andhowtosticktoit
BY SIRIN KALE
HEN I was 26 I mad shesays ButClaudiastandsbyher MAKETHELEAP
Everyone around me thought I was
broke up with a
long term partner decision I just had that feeling in my bit saysCatherineOfford(30) whoquit tioning. Whenever I’m relaxing, the book
Justbeforethedecisionwasthehardest
gut Its been really hard and thereve
her PhD to go work as a teacher n the
got an ill advised
facial piercing and
PacificOceanislandcountryofMicrone-
definitely been points this year where
changed careers
overall its better for me to be out of it I
a l in the space of a I ve thought What have I done? But sia Afterwards tfeltlikeaweightwasl ft-
Wmonth feel so much freer ed off my shoulders I didn t regret it
once
isthatl feislikeacake youcantunbake TH NKTHINGSTHROUGH... erinebackwasafeelingoffailurefornot is on my lap and I’m either completing
WhatIlearntduringthosefourweeks
Onethingthathadbeenhold ngCath-
itifyoudontliketheflavour Sometimes
If youre unhappy with your life and are
youneedtochucktheent rething nthe
thinking about making a major change
completing her PhD even though she
bin and start again from scratch It s
But over time she realised her happi-
ach evebyr pp ngthingsupandstarting
harderthatway butwhowantstospend hammer out exactly what you hope to wasnt enjoying the course
the rest of their life eating cupcakes afresh Askyourself AmIrunn ngawayfrom ness was more important than seeing
something through for the sake of it
when really they wanted Lamingtons?
Change satediousadministrativenight something or walking towards some es intomanageablesteps tfeltreallyover- Change is scary. a puzzle or starting a new one.
Change is hard Change is scary
Somet mesyouhavetocutyourloss-
Change is hard.
thing? saysCarolePemberton acareer
It helped to break down the decision
coach and personal resilience expert
mare Unfortunately change is also crit
Be clear about why youre doing this
ical to our continued happiness as
humans Evenifwecantbringourselves
your anchor
potentia ly affect the rest of my life
toembracechange weshouldntavoidit andwhyitmatterstoyou Thathastobe whelmingtomakeadecisionthatwould Unfortunately, change
is also critical to our
When things are challenging and
at all costs
It paralysed me But when I decided
Howdoyoumaketheleapintounknown youreexperiencingdoubt youneedyour I was only go ng to make a decision for as humans. Even if we Codebreakers, sudoku-x-words, sudo-
continued happiness
But what about life altering changes?
anchortoholdonto toremindyouwhy
the next year that was rea ly helpful
whether it s swopping jobs
youre doing this
waters
CONQUERYOURFEARS
moving to the other s de of the world or
even leaving your marriage?
to embrace change,
the UK got into a cockpit she freaked
Wespoketoexpertsandpeoplewhove ...BUTDON’TOVERTHINK The first time Victoria Bryan (38) from can’t bring ourselves
Sometimes commun cation s good
we shouldn’t avoid it
made major life changes to get the low
out Formerly a journalist shes tra ning
saysColinBrand a37 year oldmarketer
down Heseparatedfromhiswifeafewmonths in New Zealand to be a pilot at all costs ku, photo blockbusters and blockbusters
I was absolutely petrified I thought,
ago after 10 years of marriage But
LISTENTOYOURGUT
sometimestalk ngdoesntsortstuffout
What have I done?
Obviously mov ng to the other side of
Claudia Garland a 30 year old teacher
and over again
was wedd ng dress shopping with her Youjusttalkaboutthesamethingsover the world to retrain as a pilot is a dra-
When it comes to a big l fe change at
mother at the beginning of last year some point you ll have to move from maticchange andsurelyanyonewould
and said You seem so unhappy thinkingintoaction anddraggingyour a plane But more prosaic changes can are my favourites.
pan cthefirsttimetheywereaskedtofly
when she broke down
My mom looked at me n the shop
feet on necessary change can create
be s milarly terrifying
Claudia admitted shed been having
pointless pain
If youre feeling overwhelmed reach
Colinadvisesanyoneinalovelessmar
doubts about the wedding
Id been having panic attacks and at riagetoendtherelationshipratherthan out to family and friends Talking to
people is one of the best things you can
thatmomentIdec ded twasbestnotto hopingthingswillimproveontheirown do Victoria says
Don t bottle everything up When
Counselling cant make you love some
go ahead with it she recalls
her fiancé the wedding was off What one again he says youre overwhelmed it s tempting to Keep up the excellent work you’re
She went home that evening and told
Lifestooshortandtherespotentia ly
hide yourse f away and have a good cry.
Claudiahadntexpectedwasforsomany
Butitsbetterinthelongrunto
someone else out there whos a be ter fit
for you Its a waste of everyones time
get out there and soc alise
people to tell her she was making a mis
22 | take and feelings to stay with people (Turn over) | 23
doing for your readers.
ITOOK THE PLUNGE SURENDRA DAYA, PORT ELIZABETH
Your article about making life-changing
decisions (YOU, 16 January) resonated S Just to say thank you for the double-
deeply with me. Last September I took a sized magazine, YOU Blockbusters No
huge leap of faith and moved to Durban 22. I especially enjoyed the large code-
North. I left an area I’d worked in for 20 breakers and colossus.
yearsinthesameprofession,buildingup SHIRLEY FURMAN, EMAIL
a large base of clients.
Ididthisforme!Nowfivemonthslater LEAVE MY MAN ALONE
– and yes, it’s been tough – I have no re- With reference to Samantha’s letter to Dr
grets. I planned it for months and had Louise headlined “My friend is playing
thought about it for many years but life with fire” (YOU, 9 January), it seems to be
had stopped me. the new norm for married couples to live
Whentheopportunitycametochange apart and enjoy the single life.
Ileaptinwithsomuchself-love,seeking These people are selfish and self-
soul happiness. I highly recommend it. absorbed and have their bread buttered
I’m close to 60 so this is a biggie, but I on both sides. How convenient.
didn’t want to wake up 10 years later My husband is in a situation where his
with the regret of not following my gut. colleague’s husband lives overseas, and
ThelifeI’mlivingiswonderful.Mysoul she takes full advantage of my man. She
is filled. Seek the happiness you so want pesters him every day (even when we’re
andjustdoit!Tothosewhoarethinking on holiday) with so-called work-related
of changing, know you can be the mis- issues. Being a man it’s a huge ego boost
tress or master of your destiny. for him to be the knight in shining
CAREYWYLDE HUGHES,EMAIL armour.
She’s clearly lonely and imposes herself
on my husband. She’s relentless and in-
everypuzzleinYOUBlockbustersbooks My husband is kind, caring and com-