Page 10 - Cosmopolitan - UK (April 2020)

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you

The second instalment of the silently sinister flick is here. But ng

could you really last in complete silence? Well, let’s see, shall e

IT ’ S
Is Alan Titchmarsh around Slut-dropping with Her Royal
for a quick pint? FRI D A Y Highness Sharpay Evans.
NIGH T , HO W
ARE Y O U
S P E N DING

You bump into Scream, wave IT ? You stub
a friend on a your arms and Whittle a deadly your toe on a
night out. What jump around weapon out of doorframe. What’s
d do you do? huggi ing. the offending
d ?
doorframe. a reasonable
reaction?
d and
A cursory nod You internalise
move on – m If you could the pain, silently
must
avoid small talk be a celebrity shedding a single
at all cost s. for a day, who salty tear. A shouty monologue
would it be? that makes Gordon
Ramsay look PG.

What’s your
dream What colour You have
breakfast? crayon would a messy

Meryl you be? housemate
Streep so you…

Gemma Put
Collins uncooked
rice in their
G shoes. Send them a
Gruel with
a
a side of Granola, totally chill,
intense toast or Black. Fluoro orange: ultra-casual
misery. Rice Like my vibrant WhatsApp, while
Krispies. soul. and fun! screaming inside.

UN T IL T H E FIVE YE ARS A S O L I D YO U ’ D B E T H E
BI T T ER END TO P S INNING S FIRS T T O G O
You’re ’ard a s nails, Silence is no biggie to You’ll get through the Hey, the important thing WORDS DANIELLA SCOTT. A QUIET PLACE II IS IN CINEMAS FROM 20TH MARCH
us you’re
and quieter, plu you; you’ve got a better early years, but putting is you tried. But, let’s be
resourceful. Y ou make internal monologue you in the apocalypse honest, you’d be gone
o
ook like
Bear Grylls lo than Lizzie McGuire. is like putting Alan Carr in three to five working
Mary Berry. Y But you do have on a sponsored silence. days. You’re gobby
You’ve
mastered the weaknesses: a loud and Eventually you’ll sacrifice and we love that about
e art of
sneezing in sil ence so deceptively crunchy yourself for a joke that you. But silence, my
nothing can g breakfast will prove to was just too good not friend, is just not your
get you.
Not even hay y fever. be your downfall. to tell. specialist subject.

10 · COSMOPOLITAN