Page 100 - Cosmopolitan - UK (April 2020)
P. 100
Please reserve your judgement,
because it does very much
feel like, in this moment, the
umbrella will fix my life.
It’s first thing in the morning at sale and nobody’s getting special words, he’s asking me to name my
the launch of Glossier’s hotly treatment). It’s not even raining. price. “Were you able to source me
anticipated London pop-up shop, For now, I snap a picture and post one?” he asks. I breathe deeply. Then,
and though the room is bursting it to my Story. It’s almost automatic, minutes later, another notification.
with Britain’s beauty haut monde, like genuflecting at an altar. It’s at “OMG, please let me know!”
it’s fair to say everyone present has that moment that an Instagram I snap. “Please stop! Just assume I’ll
lost any sense of professionalism DM rips me out of my daze: a reply let you know if I have good news.”
(and, to an extent, their minds). to my Story, from Jonas, who until He apologises, mortified – and
Grown women use their elbows this moment I never knew existed. that’s when it occurs to me. This isn’t
to jab their way closer to CEO and “OMG!!!” it reads. “Is this for sale?” actually about an umbrella at all.
founder Emily Weiss, who’s in, y’know, Perhaps his slew of messages –
casual attendance. I’m Augustus which are strewn with emojis of UNLEASH THE BEASTS
Gloop-ing my way round all of the shooting stars and desperate faces To Jonas, bargaining with strangers
,
photo opps (or “shareable moments” – strums my heartstrings. Or maybe for access to merchandise is run-of-
if you will), frenzied by the temporary I’m just excited about the status I the-mill behaviour. He’s a hypebeast,
shop’s carnation-coloured sculptures feel in having been identified as an after all. And where pop-star
and floral carpets. The champagne international Glossier correspondent. superfans queue outside arenas to
goes flat, unsipped, not because of the I take the bait. I fill him in. meet their idols, hypebeasts queue
time of day (it isn’t even 10am), but The regret comes immediately and online and outside shops, waiting
because we’re all too busy drinking lasts for hours while he interrogates to lay their hands on a new launch;
up the Glossier, Glossier, Glossier. me further, with every exclamation be that the latest streetwear, a
Meanwhile, 7,000 miles away in mark another vibration in my pocket. groundbreaking gadget or, in Jonas’s
the Philippines, a 19-year-old called “It’s so cute! I really like to buy case, make-up and beauty merch.
Jonas is in his bedroom, hammering Hypebeasts are clever,
the location tag for this very building, “THE BRAND IS A HAPPY tenacious and gasping for
poised like a heist artist. He’s ready novelty. And if the object
to make his move. of their updated desire
I know I want the umbrella. It’s the PILL. IT BOOSTS THE sells out, they’ll often turn
latest in Glossier’s list of covetable to resell apps like Depop
merch offerings, following extremely HAPPINESS HORMONES and Ebay, or even strangers
limited releases of keyrings, water on Instagram who could
bottles, baseball caps and more at IN MY BODY” be bribed to stick it in
each of the brand’s global pop-up a bubble-wrap envelope.
shops in Miami, Seattle, Boston and They will stop at nothing.
beyond. That said, I sense I don’t Glossier stuff! I’ll pay international The result? Besides mega-capitalistic
want the umbrella as much as some shipping and any expenses at all!” mania, a total rewiring of beauty
people – like the high-profile beauty The pings keep coming. shopping as we know it.
journalist I see furtively pleading “Is it limited stock only? Do you According to his Instagram, Jonas
at the merchandise hatch, met with know someone who could buy it for doesn’t even wear make-up. But he
a polite refusal (they aren’t yet on me and ship it to me?!” In so many tells me that in his eyes, Glossier is
100 · COSMOPOLITAN
