Page 237 - SHERLOCK transcripts

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– a trail that Scotland Yard missed completely. Sherlock Holmes has gained cult following
following the publication of his website – The Sci- ...” at which point the text disappears
offscreen. [And, really, “Sherlock” production team, could you not take just a couple more
minutes to make your newspaper articles more professional-looking, write sensible English and
check the bleedin’ spelling?!]
A new newspaper article reads “Top Banker Kidnapped” and the text reads: “Sherlock Holmes
was last night being hailed a hero yet again for masterminding the daring escape of the
kidnapped man. // Scotland Yard had to secretly bring in their special weapon (in the form of Mr
Holmes) yet again. The case has drawn a huge amount of attention as the nation became
divided about the outcome of the kidnapping. Bankers are certainly not the nations [sic]
sweethearts any more, but Mr. Holmes certainly seems to be. As huge crowds gathered for the
press conference, Mr Holmes was presented with a gift from ...” and then the text disappears
offscreen.
Outside the banker’s house, the rescued man is standing with his arms around his wife and
young son and the press film and photograph them while Sherlock and John stand
uncomfortably nearby.)
FATHER: Back together with my family after my terrifying ordeal; and we have one person to
thank for my deliverance – Sherlock Holmes.
(As the public applaud, the boy smiles and offers a small gift-wrapped box to Sherlock. He takes
it and rattles it briefly.)
SHERLOCK (to John): Tie pin. I don’t wear ties.
JOHN: Shh.
(A photograph of the scene appears in the next edition of the newspaper, headed “Reichenbach
hero finds kidnap victim”.)
(New article: “Ricoletti evades capture”. Your transcriber is already nearing page three of this
transcript and is only two and a half minutes into the episode so let’s leave out the text of the
article, but it suggests that the man named in the headline was responsible for the banker’s
kidnap. We cut to Scotland Yard where D.I. Greg Lestrade is addressing a press conference.
Sherlock and John stand nearby, and D.S. Sally Donovan and Doctor
WhoCaresWhatHisFirstNameIs Anderson are at the back of the room.)
LESTRADE: Peter Ricoletti: number one on Interpol’s Most Wanted list since 1982. But we got
him; and there’s one person we have to thank for giving us the decisive leads ... with all his
customary diplomacy and tact(!)
(Sherlock smiles insincerely towards Greg while John leans closer to Sherlock and speaks
quietly.)
JOHN: Sarcasm.
SHERLOCK: Yes.
(As the press applaud, Greg walks over to Sherlock and gives him a gift-wrapped package,
smiling cheerfully.)
LESTRADE: We all chipped in.
(As Sherlock tears open the wrapping paper, Sally and Anderson grin expectantly. He pulls out
a deerstalker hat.)
SHERLOCK (trying to smile): Oh!
FIRST REPORTER: Put the hat on!
SECOND REPORTER: Put the hat on!
LESTRADE: Yeah, Sherlock, put it on!
(Sherlock looks at the reporters as if he’d like to kill them. John clears his throat
uncomfortably.)
JOHN (quietly): Just get it over with.
(Glowering at him, Sherlock shoves the wrapping paper into his hands, then unhappily puts the
hat on his head. Flashbulbs go mad and everyone applauds. At the back of the room, Sally claps
with sarcastic delight while Anderson, the douche, grins smugly. Sherlock smiles at the press
through gritted teeth and glances at Greg as if promising him a world of pain later.
Some time later, the “Daily Star” prints a World Exclusive on its front page: “Boffin Sherlock
solves another” with the strapline: “Hero ’Tec cracks ‘unsolvable’ case”.)

221B BAKER STREET. John is sitting on the sofa reading the papers while Sherlock, wearing his
blue dressing gown over his shirt and trousers, stomps across the room and throws the Daily
Star onto the pile of newspapers on the coffee table.
SHERLOCK (indignantly): “Boffin.” “Boffin Sherlock Holmes.”
JOHN: Everybody gets one.

Transcripts by Ariane DeVere (arianedevere@livejournal.com)