Page 244 - SHERLOCK transcripts

243

(Reaching into her pocket, she holds up her business card and then tucks it into his breast
pocket.)
KITTY: ... someone to set the record straight.
SHERLOCK (smiling sarcastically): And you think you’re the girl for that job, do you?
KITTY: I’m smart, and you can trust me, totally.
SHERLOCK: Smart, okay: investigative journalist. Good. Well, look at me and tell me what you
see.
(She stares at him blankly, perhaps a little overwhelmed by the way he is swaying gently in
front of her.)
SHERLOCK: If you’re that skilful, you don’t need an interview. You can just read what you need.
(She looks awkward and can’t continue to meet his eyes.)
SHERLOCK: No? Okay, my turn.
(He paces around her and looks her over.)
SHERLOCK (quick fire): I look at you and I see someone who’s still waiting for their first big
scoop so that their editor will notice them. You’re wearing an expensive skirt but it’s been re-
hemmed twice; only posh skirt you’ve got. And your nails: you can’t afford to do them that
often. I see someone who’s hungry. I don’t see smart, and I definitely don’t see trustworthy,
but I’ll give you a quote if you like – three little words.
(He reaches down and takes the dictaphone from her pocket, holding it up to his mouth as she
steps closer hopefully.)
SHERLOCK (slowly, deliberately): You ... repel ... me.
(He turns and leaves the room.)

OLD BAILEY, COURT TEN. Sherlock has been called to give his evidence and is standing in the
witness box. Jim is in the dock opposite him, nonchalantly chewing on his gum. John is sitting in
the public gallery upstairs.
PROSECUTING BARRISTER: A “consulting criminal.”
SHERLOCK: Yes.
PROSECUTING BARRISTER: Your words. Can you expand on that answer?
SHERLOCK: James Moriarty is for hire.
PROSECUTING BARRISTER: A tradesman?
SHERLOCK: Yes.
PROSECUTING BARRISTER: But not the sort who’d fix your heating.
SHERLOCK: No, the sort who’d plant a bomb or stage an assassination, but I’m sure he’d make
a pretty decent job of your boiler.
(There’s muffled laughter from some people in the court, and the prosecuting barrister tries to
hide her smile.)
PROSECUTING BARRISTER: Would you describe him as ...
SHERLOCK (interrupting): Leading.
PROSECUTING BARRISTER: What?
SHERLOCK: Can’t do that. You’re leading the witness. (He looks towards the defending
barrister.) He’ll object and the judge will uphold.
(The judge looks exasperated – apparently this isn’t the first time Sherlock has done this during
his evidence.)
JUDGE: Mr Holmes.
SHERLOCK (to the prosecuting barrister): Ask me how. How would I describe him? What
opinion have I formed of him? Do they not teach you this?
JUDGE: Mr Holmes, we’re fine without your help.
(Kitty comes into the public gallery. John looks round at her as she finds a seat.)
PROSECUTING BARRISTER: How would you describe this man – his character?
SHERLOCK: First mistake. (He raises his eyes and locks his gaze onto Jim.) James Moriarty isn’t
a man at all – he’s a spider; a spider at the centre of a web – a criminal web with a thousand
threads and he knows precisely how each and every single one of them dances.
(Jim almost imperceptibly nods his head as if approving of the description. The prosecuting
barrister clears her throat awkwardly.)
PROSECUTING BARRISTER: And how long ...
SHERLOCK (closing his eyes in exasperation): No, no, don’t-don’t do that. That’s really not a
good question.
JUDGE (angrily): Mr Holmes.

Transcripts by Ariane DeVere (arianedevere@livejournal.com)