Page 443 - SHERLOCK transcripts

442

LESTRADE: Well, speaking on behalf of the impossibly imbecilic Scotland Yard, that chair is
definitely empty.
(Holmes looks towards Watson’s armchair.)
HOLMES: It is, isn’t it? Works surprisingly well, though. I actually thought he was improving.
(He looks through some paperwork on the table and then walks off in the direction of his
bedroom. Lestrade turns and leaves the room.)

Another empty chair is facing Doctor Watson. This chair is at a dining table and there is cutlery,
a teacup and saucer and a tea plate in front of the chair. Sitting at the other end of the table in
the dining room of his house while reading a newspaper, Watson looks across at the chair, then
sighs and looks down at his newspaper again. After a moment he lifts his head and looks
towards the door, then picks up a small bell from the table and rings it for a couple of seconds.
He also has cutlery and a teacup and saucer in front of him, and nearby is a glass bowl of
marmalade with a spoon in it. Another glass bowl with a glass lid stands beside it. He puts down
the bell and looks expectantly towards the door. After a while he puts down the newspaper and
takes out his pocket watch from his waistcoat to look at the time. Sighing and shaking his head,
he puts the watch away and rings the bell again. The door opens and a maid comes in.
WATSON: Ah. Where have you been?
JANE: Sorry, sir. I’m rather behind my time this morning.
WATSON: Are you incapable of boiling an egg? (He sighs.) The fires are rarely lit; there is dust
everywhere; and you almost destroyed my boots scraping the mud off them. If it wasn’t my
wife’s business to deal with the staff, I would talk to you myself. Where is my wife?
JANE: Begging your pardon, sir, but the mistress has gone out.
WATSON: Out? At this hour of the morning?
JANE: Yes, sir. Did you not know that, sir?
WATSON: Where did she go? (He looks down at his newspaper.) She’s always out these days.
JANE (laughing softly): Not unlike yourself.
(Watson raises his head to look at her.)
JANE: ... sir.
WATSON: I’m sorry?
JANE: Just observing, sir.
WATSON: Well, that’s quite enough. Nobody asked you to be observant.
JANE: Sorry, sir. I just meant you’re hardly ever home together any more, sir.
WATSON: You are dangerously close to impertinence. (He leans forward.) I shall have a word
with my wife to have a word with you.
(He sits back again and looks down at his paper.)
JANE: Very good, sir. And when will you be seeing her?
(Watson’s head snaps up. He leans forward again.)
WATSON: Now listen ...
JANE: Ooh, I nearly forgot, sir.
(She reaches into the pocket of her apron and takes out a telegram which she hands to him.)
JANE: Er, a telegram came for you.
WATSON: You forgot?!
JANE: No, I nearly forgot.
WATSON (snatching the telegram from her): What have you been doing all morning?
JANE: Reading your new one in The Strand, sir.
WATSON: Did you enjoy it?
JANE: Why do you never mention me, sir?
WATSON: Go away.
(She turns and leaves, and Watson opens the telegram. On the outside it reads:

DR. JOHN WATSON

and the message reads:

COME AT ONCE
IF CONVENIENT.
IF INCONVENIENT,
COME ALL THE SAME.
HOLMES

Transcripts by Ariane DeVere (arianedevere@livejournal.com)