Page 116 - Motorcycle Trader (February 2020)

Classic
Groff

Joe Groff

THE PARENT TRAP

Meeting her parents isn’t always a good idea

an you come to dinner next Saturday
night? My parents would like to meet
you.” No they wouldn’t. What they
Cwant is to conduct a hideous social
experiment involving food with aim of
proving beyond doubt that someone who
rides a bike isn’t a suitable companion for
their daughter. Been there already.
“Don’t they live in Hamilton? It’s 300
kilometres away.”
“Yes, but I thought I’d book you into a hotel
and, you know, after dinner, I could visit
your room…”
Suddenly Hamilton seemed a lot closer.
It started raining, of course, around
Bacchus Marsh, and I was faced with the one
thing I actually don’t like about riding. It’s that’s fallen out of your pocket and a third
not rain – that’s just water – it’s putting wet to use the toilet paper afterwards.
weather gear on and taking it off afterwards. A useful tactic to avoid the above scenario
I’m at the stage now when, if I’m within two is to go into denial. Despite the information
hours of a shower and dry clothes, I don’t being delivered by your body to your
even bother. What happens is I spend the 20 brain, you can tell yourself you don’t really
minutes or so getting kitted up, ride for the need to go. An unavoidable consequence
same amount of time and then realise I have of this is that vast amounts of pressure
to go to the toilet. We’re not talking number and crapola build up in your colon and,
ones here – we’re talking number twos. particularly if you ride a sportsbike with
This usually involves visiting a run-down firm suspension, it gets compacted by
fuel supplier and going to a cubicle where having your arse slammed against the seat
you need to wade through two inches of a couple of hundred times as you hit bumps
mud and urine to get to the crud-encrusted at high speeds.
throne with the broken seat. Peel off the So it came to pass (if you’ll forgive the pun)
oversuit and roll it down to the top of your that I was considerably more full of shit
boots, then follow with your jeans and than usual when I finally pulled up outside
maybe your thermodactyl long-johns. By the ABOVE Unlike the gentleman the house of the parents of the desirable
John Prentice, the young
time you get to your underpants there’s no and rough Groff was - Christine.
room past your knees so you can’t actually and still is -unwelcome I wonder where she got her good looks
spread your legs. at his ex-girlfriend’s from? Her father had the appearance of
You also need three hands: one to keep parent’s house for someone who’d been hit in the face with
good reason.
your clothing from making any contact with No more bikers for the back of a shovel and her mother had
the floor, another to pick up the change young Christine... those mean, thin lips that come with always

14 MOTORCYCLE TRADER