Page 52 - Woman's Weekly - New Zealand (January 2020)

health&FAMILY
“ toxic relationship” is a
buzz phrase doing the
Arounds, but what does
it mean and how do you know
you’re in one?
No relationship is perfect, but Ask yourself why they may be
they should at least make you
feel happy, respected, cared for
and secure. You should also feel
free to be yourself.
Toxic relationships make
you feel the opposite. Here are
some signs that a relationship
has gone down that path (and
it doesn’t have to be a romantic
relationship – it could be with
a friend, relative or colleague): done overtly or snidely – is not
• The other person takes and
never gives. It should be a two-
way street, not all about them.
• You feel drained. If you’re
mentally and emotionally
exhausted after spending time
HOW DO YOU KNOW
IF YOUR RELATIONSHIP
IS POISONOUS?
Toxic shock
52 New Zealand Woman’s Weekly
with them, there’s a problem.
• Communication is poor. Do
they leave you in the dark all
the time? Do you find yourself
having to second-guess them?
shutting you out. Is it to gain
the upper hand?
• The drama never ends. Life is
not meant to be smooth sailing
but constant ups and downs
and associated histrionics are
not healthy for either of you.
• You feel worthless. Constantly
putting you down and making
you feel useless – which can be
something a genuine friend or
partner does.
• You can’t express how you
really feel, or can’t behave in a
natural and comfortable way.
• The negativity is non-stop.
Someone who seems incapable
of saying anything positive
to you is the very definition
of toxic.
• Constant hostility. They may
seem angry with you and it
may feel that you can’t put
a foot right. This is not about
you, it is about them.
• Control issues. If they insist
on calling the shots all the
time and keep trying to assert
their power over you – for
example, getting you to
do things they know you’re
not keen on – that’s not a
balanced relationship.
• They cut you off from friends
and family. Alarm bells should
ring if they discourage – or even
forbid – you from maintaining
your relationships with others.
• Lack of support. Not
being there for you when
you really need it is a sign of
an unhealthy relationship.
• Changing your standards or
goals. Lowering your standards
because of another person’s
influence, or letting go of goals
that have previously been
important to you is a red flag.
It’s not always immediately
obvious that a relationship
has become toxic – this kind
of behaviour can creep in
gradually. If you become aware
that there are issues such as
those listed above, now is the
time to do something about it.
If you feel that talking through
these problems may help,
initiate the conversation and,
if necessary, seek professional
help. If not, it may be time to
pull the plug.