Page 100 - FHM - USA (January 2020)

Relationships

3. Choose the right time and place
If you want to talk to your
partner about something that has
been bugging you, it’s really helpful
to choose a time and a place that
is suitable, and where you’ll be Remember,
uninterrupted. Generally, and if you talking is how
can, try to have difficult conversations
in person. Never try to resolve an we engage. It’s a
issue late at night, when you’ve been vital (and powerful)
drinking, or when your emotions tool that shouldn’t
(maybe anger, rage, anxiety) are so
high that you cannot think straight. It’s be taken for
okay to go to bed after an argument! granted.
Rather agree to resolve it in the
morning after you’ve both tried to get
some sleep. Try not to have conflictual
conversations in front of friends and
family either. It’s not fair to them to be
stuck around a fighting couple. Again,
agree to press pause and pick up the
conversation when the timing is more
appropriate.

4. Bringing up the past never helped
anybody
No matter how many times your
partner did something before, or what
has happened that has caused the
conflict, try your best to stick with the
present moment, how you feel right
then and there, and why you’re feeling
it. People become defensive when
they’re constantly blamed, so bringing
up something that has been an issue
again and again, in the same way, is
likely going to have the same result it
has had in the past.

5. Be curious… always!
It doesn’t help anyone to accuse
their partner of doing something
without trying to understand their
partner’s point of view. A really great
statement to use when sharing with
your partner what’s on your mind
is this: “The story that I’m telling
myself is that…” and then asking your
partner if you’ve got it wrong? Owning
the way you have conceptualized
a situation is important – very few
partners take ownership of their
disagreements. By being curious
and always asking your partner what
was happening for them rather than
accusing them, or asking them what
they need or could be done differently
between you can be the difference
between constructive or destructive
communication.

96 JANUARY 2020