Page 73 - Men’s Health - USA (December 2019)

she says she’s had enough. Then, during
sex, you can focus on enjoying the expe-
rience. Elisabeth Lloyd, Ph.D., a leading
scholar on the biology of the female
orgasm and a pioneer in the concept of
the orgasm gap, says you can still check
in with each other, but with non-insistent
questions like “What feels good or would
feel good to you right now?” rather than
“How close to coming are you?”
The two of you can also make bucket
lists of things you’d like to try in bed. It can
be as simple as spending a certain amount
of time on massage, gentle touch, or deep
kissing, says Lloyd. That way, you can
concentrate on exploring that new activity
together instead of fi xating on orgasm,
which takes pressure off both of you.
If you’re still having trouble prioritiz-
ing pleasure over climax, there’s always
Siegel’s idea: Don’t come at all. “Go on
an orgasm ban, so that everything you’re
doing with and for and to each other
is for the sole purpose of experiencing
pleasure,” he says. There’s no set rule for
how long your ban should last—try it for
a few days, or a few weeks. “Sometimes
we just have to create a new picture of
what we are expecting until the behavior
sets in,” Siegel says.
A ban on the big O might sound scary,
but there’s a lot more to sex than 10 to 20
seconds of orgasm. Many women fi nd
intense—even complete—pleasure in
the intimacy, passion, and playfulness
of a sex session. Focusing on the orgasm
alone is like “eating an ice cream sundae
and focusing on the cherry,” Burwell
says. “The cherry is great, but the greater
experience exists in the ice cream.”

Three strategies to make your next romp even more fun!

1 Rub It In 2 Roll the Dice 3 Rev Up the Fun

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It’s a great way to explore the erotic partner—and where. They can feel hokey, but clitoris but also as a new form of stimula-
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the body. Lovehoney Oh! Vanilla Lick- hammering straight toward the big O. Ultimate of, male or female. Desire Luxury Recharge-
able Massage Oil, $9; lovehoney.com Roll Bedroom Sex Dice, $7; lovehoney.com able Bullet Vibrator, $52; lovehoney.com

MEN’S HEALTH / December 2019 71