Page 77 - Men’s Health - USA (December 2019)
P. 77
YOUR
EXPERT
In this column
and on
MensHealth
.com, Lauren
Larson writes about the
“ that ‘doing
evolving dynamics between
men and women—from
hooking up to . . . everything else. The problem is
business’ very
naked. I imagined myself staring agape
at his friend Karl’s hairy back, like Simon
facing the fl y-nibbled sow head. I did not
press the issue further. rarely includes
But anytime business is on the table,
I want to be involved. That’s especially
true of the workplace. With the arrival actually talking
of start-up culture, boundaries have
relaxed a bit: Work friends can also be about business.
friend friends, and there’s an expecta-
tion that you can and will hang. Being
a “team player” used to mean that you ”
participated in meetings. Now it means
going to lunch and grabbing beers. That
imperative creates a lot of opportunities
for casual, freewheeling off -site brain-
storming sessions, but it also creates a lot
of opportunities for exclusion.
Every time my male coworkers my way. I tried to explain this to a friend men-only spaces and institutions, I’d
hung out without me, I whined, cold- in Chicago. We were discussing Butler recently joined a coworking space that,
shouldered, and said, “I’m fi ne,” curtly in National Golf Club in Oak Brook, Illi- in its genesis, was explicitly women
the elevator. When I’d try to explain why nois. Butler requires “gentlemen’s golf only. The bathrooms were pink and well
I was upset, I sounded like the group’s attire” and continues to deny member- stocked with beauty products, it wasn’t
clingy girlfriend. I understood they ship to women. A private-membership too cold, everyone dressed cute, the book-
craved woman-free time the way I craved club is allowed to restrict membership shelves were organized by color—wholly
a man-free yoga class, but I didn’t want to based on gender as long as the club isn’t impractical when you’re looking for a spe-
be invited for the sake of being invited. open to the public, and Butler is invita- cifi c title. It was the cheapest coworking
Over and over, throughout my career, tion only. My friend suggested that space that made sense, and it was pretty.
I’ve been aff ected by decisions that were by my logic, there wouldn’t be anything But beyond that: In January, the space
made when a bunch of dudes were “just uncouth about the golf club banning began letting in men. None have joined
hanging out.” In between the stories women if male members pledged not as members—whenever a woman brings
about walking in on each other p—ugh— to discuss business there. The prob- a male guest through, a hundred heads
pumping at a wedding, advice is given, lem is that “doing business” very pop up from their computers—but men
ideas are shared, and professional rarely includes actually talking about are allowed. If a man wants to come
connections are built. For a woman, the business. “Networking” is 5 percent share light bites and white wine with me,
politics of out-of-offi ce hangs with male impressing someone with your profes- nobody will tell him he can’t. None of us
coworkers are diff erent. I work in an sional qualifi cations and 95 percent are as comfortable when a man is there,
industry in which professional bonds hanging out, convincing people you’re but we respect his right to be there.
are forged over beers, but I’ve never not a sociopath. Even when the men at That’s all I want from man-only spaces.
once gotten drinks alone with a male Butler aren’t doing deals and mergers I don’t want to be there all the time,
superior. Granted, I’ve had plenty of on the course’s shapely knolls, they’re listening to them talk about dude stuff
lovely lunches with male bosses, but it’s doing business. (pumping, hairy backs, etc.). But if an
not the same. When my male coworkers My friend called me a hypocrite: I’ve important conversation is going to hap-
described the things they talked about attended a lot of women-only networking pen on a golf course or over drinks—even
with our bosses over drinks, they didn’t events (“Women in Media”; “Women if it’s just two seconds of important stuff
Kyle Hilton (Larson) understand how uncomfortable I would Aren’t Sure Whether They Want to Be in game—I want to be invited. Lord of the
nestled within fi ve hours of watching the
Who Want to Be in Media”; “Women Who
mean to be hurtful. But they didn’t
Flies wouldn’t have gone down the way it
Media or Just Raise Alpacas in Maine”).
have felt proposing drinks to older men,
did if a girl had been here.
and how rarely those invitations came
And in spite of frequently railing against
MEN’S HEALTH / December 2019 75
