Page 42 - Parents Magazine (December 2019)
P. 42
KIDSÑVa lues
how grateful you would feel that son is crying, although he is, but
a smart engineer invented the lift to because you genuinely hadn’t realized
make that possible!” how important it was to him. Kindness
Over time, this type of thinking also means giving your children,
becomes automatic, and so does a especially when there are siblings in
child’s response to it. When she sees a the mix, a feeling of abundance—that
kid who forgot his lunch, she knows there is enough love, praise, laughter,
he’s hungry, and she offers to share hers. and attention to go around.
She volunteers at a soup kitchen. She It’s also valuable for your kids to see
writes a letter to the firehouse, you being kind to yourself, says Carla
thanking firefighters for rescuing Naumburg, Ph.D., author of How to
kittens. She makes eye contact Stop Losing Your Sh*t With Your
with people in a wheelchair, and she Kids. This means traditional sorts of
offers them a smile. self-care, such as getting enough sleep
Reading a book together is another and seeking out support so that you’re
easy way to connect with your child and not parenting from a depleted place. But
experience someone else’s life that it also means giving yourself the benefit
might be very different from your own. of the doubt, the same way you’d offer
“When we read, we imagine with our it to anyone else. If you make a mistake,
heart and soul and not just our brain,” instead of berating yourself, say, “Oh,
says Applegate. “Characters in a book well, it’s okay—we all make mistakes.”
often share their feelings in an even HOW TO EXPLAIN WHY
deeper way than they might if they were SOME PEOPLE Encourage kind habits.
sitting right in front of you.” Help your children match the somewhat
ARE LESS FORTUNATE abstract concept of kindness with the
Model kindness THAN YOU ARE many concrete verbs that enact it:
everywhere you go. sharing, volunteering, giving, including,
When it comes to raising thoughtful At this time of year, we often express comforting, supporting, championing,
kids, this is the most important thing we kindness by giving to those in need. compromising, listening, and noticing
Donating to a toy drive can inspire kids
can do, says Dr. Harding. “We can’t when someone could use help—a
but also confuse them. Depending
control their behavior, but we can look on the age or maturity of your child, try classmate with a math problem, a family
for ways to demonstrate kind behavior one of these explanations. member with a chore, an older person
ourselves.” Fortunately, kids are who needs a seat on the bus. These
TO A YOUNG CHILD
eager to copy us from a young age, so habits intersect with etiquette, since
“We’re really lucky and we have
you can model kindness from the time enough money to buy you toys. But gracious actions like saying please and
they’re babies. “After all, you want your every family is different and some thanking the school-bus driver also help
18-month-old to imitate hugging families don’t have money for cultivate kindness and make the world
someone who’s sad,” says Dr. Korb. As gifts. Let’s help out by buying a few a happier place. Dr. Harding calls these
toys for them. Can you help me
they get older, your kids will watch how small practices microkindnesses and
pick something out?” (If Santa comes
you treat people, from subtle interactions, to your house, then you might say: says they add up to something enormous.
such as putting your phone down to make “Santa gives some of the presents, but Your kids can always ask themselves,
eye contact and say thank you, to more parents are responsible for the rest.”) “What can I do at this moment that
tangible acts of kindness, like inviting a could add kindness to the situation?”
TO AN OLDER CHILD
lonely person to share a holiday, bringing “People have different amounts of Ideally, we want to develop a positive
a meal to a sick neighbor, comforting money for different reasons. vibe around the practice of kindness,
the bereaved, and donating time and It’s not just about how hard you work rather than scolding our kids when they
or how valuable your skills are.
money to take care of people in need. make inevitable mistakes. So when your
But all kids deserve to get something
Of course, it matters how we treat special, and we’re so lucky to kids are kind, catch them at it—and
our children too. As Dr. Harding puts be able to help.” reinforce their behavior: “What a kind
it, “Our intuition tells us a lot about thing to do! You gave your cupcake to
TO A CHILD OVER 10
kindness.” This means trusting empathy When your child is able to grasp your sister to make her happy!”
over whatever parenting “shoulds” are the bigger picture, you can talk about
in your head. That might look like keeping systems of injustice and economic Understand that kindness
your baby in your arms because she just inequality so they see their own isn’t always easy.
relative privilege in the scheme of a
wants to be held or like returning to the We should remind ourselves and our
world that does not offer the CHEYENNE ELLIS.
store to buy a little someone that Lion same opportunities to everyone. kids that kindness is hard sometimes,
King pencil after all—not because your says Dr. Naumburg. “It doesn’t always
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