Page 40 - Parents Magazine (December 2019)
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KIDSÑVa lues
what others feel, explains psychiatrist forms,” says Dr. Harding. “Toddlers mosquito bites, so you shouldn’t tease
Kelli Harding, M.D., author of The are very focused on me and mine, but you your cousin.” Once she seems to grasp
Rabbit Effect: Live Longer, Happier, and can gradually help your child think this, you can move on to the Platinum
Healthier With the Groundbreaking about we and us by using inclusive we Rule, which is that we treat people the
Science of Kindness. It’s why your language yourself,” says developmental way that’s best for them, even if that’s
2-year-old may burst into tears when pediatrician Damon Korb, M.D. “For different from what’s best for us.
she sees another toddler fall at the example, you might say, ‘What can we To show what that means in real life,
playground, and it’s a perfect opportunity do today that will be fun for all of us?’ ” you might say to your 5-year-old, “Your
to articulate that experience for her: When kids are 3, 4, and 5, it’s a good brother’s going to be tired after a whole
“You feel sad because you care about time to start having discussions day of second grade. Should we bring
your friend and she hurt herself.” about kindness, suggests Dr. Korb, him a special snack?” When she says,
If empathy is understanding, then and the Golden Rule is a perfect “Yes! Raisins!” you can remind her that’s
compassion is acting on that conversational launchpad. “We treat her favorite snack and encourage her to
understanding. Kids’ ability to do that other people the way we would hope to remember his. She’ll feel both kind
develops a bit later. “As a child’s be treated ourselves,” you can explain and proud to hand him a bag of cheese
brain develops, he can better separate to your preschooler. “You wouldn’t crackers, even though she herself is not
you from I, and that’s when compassion want someone to tease you about your a fan. At the beach, you can say to your
kindergartner: “We know you like to be
buried up to your neck in sand, but your
sister cries when she gets sand in her
sandal. Do you think she’ll like getting a
bucket of it dumped over her bare legs?”
To a child who’s using the baby’s foot
as a microphone while shouting the
alphabet song, you can point out, “Look
at your brother’s face. Does he look
like he’s having fun?”
Inspire their imagination.
Thinking “What would that feel like?” is
one of the most powerful habits we can
instill in our children. “You can’t be a
compassionate person unless you have an
active imagination—you have to be able
to step into someone else’s shoes,” says
Katherine Applegate, author of award-
winning children’s books, including
The One and Only Ivan and Wishtree.
Pretend play is a great way for young
kids to practice empathy. You could say
to your child, “Your doll fell down and
bumped her head! What do you think
we should do for her?” As your kids get
older, you can ask them to imagine
more complicated real-life scenarios
as you encounter them. “I point out
differences to my kids without making
any judgment, so they’re able to form
their own opinions,” says Dr. Korb,
a father of five. “I might say, ’I wonder
what it would be like to sleep outside
when it’s cold.’ ” You can offer all sorts
of similar opportunities for reflection:
“Imagine being a kitten that was stuck
up in a tree and wasn’t able to climb CHEYENNE ELLIS.
down.” “Imagine how hard it must be
to get on the bus in a wheelchair—and
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