Page 118 - Cosmopolitan - UK (April 2020)

l ove

What I’ve learned move on when I was
convinced she was
“the one”. In reality,
about heartbreak from... the romance had been
traumatic all along.
She hadn’t come out
performing to her parents and

I struggled with the
invisibility that enforced.
Hearing the audience
comedy laugh as I recalled
the time she tried to
make me feel better by
saying that her parents
enjoyed Brokeback
Mountain (“It’s hardly
Through making others laugh, stand-up Rosie Wilby the most optimistic
portrayal of gay
was able to process her own pain relationships!”) made
me feel understood.
y big I felt buoyed by the
break-up empathetic responses
took place of my audiences and
in the unfurling moments realised that the biggest
of 2011. Just as the heartbreak of all had
vapour trails of the New been staying in a
Year fireworks faded, my situation that wasn’t
girlfriend of five years right for me. I’m now in
dumped me by email. a balanced relationship
It seemed so cold of her that feels both secure
to sever the connection and sexy. I used to joke
without a face-to-face on stage about the
post-mortem. “What the confusing myriad uses
hell just happened?” of the word “love”. I’d
I thought, stunned by say, “I love chocolate
this abrupt emotional and I love my girlfriend.
punch in the guts. One of those is an
That January evening, insatiable, obsessive
I was due to perform a craving… and the other
comedy gig. I frantically email, the audience to write a show exploring “Sharing is how I feel about my
tried to cancel it; I was erupted into a belly the funnier side of the girlfriend,” as if my
a mess and couldn’t see laugh. Heartache, whole thing. The result my sadness partner was a boring
how I’d manage to stand I realised, is universal, was The Conscious salad. My new girlfriend,
on stage for an hour and sharing my shock Uncoupling, ironically made me Suz, is that elusive
being funny. But the and sadness made me named after Gwyneth menu option: chocolate
promoter convinced me feel lighter. I couldn’t Paltrow’s rather more feel a lot salad. Having a job
that the crowd would be stop smiling on the bus amicable separation. lighter” that allows me to create
supportive – and they home. It was my first I blended excerpts from a constant dialogue
were right. It was one of taste of the ways in the email with visits by about the big things,
the most raw, authentic which comedy could three spoofy Dickensian the ’90s great?’ and such as love, emotions
performances I’ve ever help me process feelings ghosts, all played by me neglecting to mention and recovery, helped
given. There was a of rejection and upset. in a makeshift cloak. The OJ Simpson, Bill Clinton me to make a better
magical empathy in the When I got to the fifth ghost of my romantic and skinny eyebrows,” choice this time around.
room. When I suggested anniversary of the break- past warned of the I giggled onstage. Rosie Wilby is the author PHOTOGRAPH GETTY IMAGES
that I felt better once I’d up, I decided to revisit dangers of cherry- Through writing jokes, of Is Monogamy Dead?
corrected the spelling the dreaded email. picking memories. “It’s a I learned that there was and host of The Breakup
and punctuation in her Enough time had passed bit like saying, ‘Weren’t no way I was going to Monologues podcast

118 · COSMOPOLITAN