Page 14 - Cosmopolitan - USA (February 2020)
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c e l e b



                               T H I S   G A M E   W I L L   P R O V E
                                                                                                                         S T A R T
                       I F   Y O U   H A V E   W H A T   I T   T A K E S   T O
                           survive









                                        A   S E A S O N   O F

                                T H E   B A C H E L O R


                                                                                                                            A.
               Best case: You walk away with a Neil Lane rock. Worst                                               Try to remember your
                                                                                                                    “My name is Alexis, I
                        case: a FabFitFun deal.  B y   H A N N A H   C H A M B E R S                                  came here from
                                                                                                                      Texas, I make a
                                                                                                                    dope-ass breakfast”
                                                                                                                    rap-rhyme moment.
                                                                                                                        J U M P   T O   2

                         B.                  A.
                                                                             2                          C.
                    Kill her with   Hover till she leaves,                                         Rock a head-             B.
                    kindness, but    then say you feel bad       You’re really vibing with the    to-toe unicorn   Say hi, squeeze his arm,
                    give him The     for her and the UTI          Bachelor (what’s his name         getup and       say you’ll catch him
                     Eyes and a    she’s been complaining        again?) when a particularly       speak only in    inside...and hope he
                    subtle thigh                                                                    pig latin.     notices how good your
                    stroke before                                                                                  butt looks in shiny silk.
                                       J U M P                                                      S A Y   Y O U R
                    heading out.
                                       T O   3                                                     G O O D B Y E S      J U M P   T O   3
                                                                             game plan?
                    J U M P   T O   4






                                                       A.               B.                      4                          A.
                             3
                                                If that’s what he   It’s okay. You’re                            It’s probs a good moment
                       Oh, dear god.             wants...you’re    here for the         Time for a serious         to open up about how
                                                  gonna throw     right reasons.       convo while you try        your ex really wounded
                    started an all-out girl      this rosé on her   That’s the          to ignore the rose       you...by filing a restrain-
                     brawl got the First-        tacky mermaid     catchphrase,        between your dinner         ing order. It was all a
                      Impression Rose.               gown.            right?            plates. Have any-           misunderstanding!
                      How ya feelin’?
                                                   S A Y   Y O U R
                                                  G O O D B Y E S
                                                                                                                            B.














                                                                                                                            5








                                                                                                                             A.
                                                                       6
                                                                                                                     Your dad comments
                                                                                                         B.
                                                                                                   Your sister pulls
                                                         Wow, who would have guessed                                  on how tight your           LINDSAY: SPL ASHNEWS. ALL OTHERS: GET T Y IM AGES.
                                                           you’d leave this journey with           the Bach aside     future husband’s
                                                          1.4 million Instagram followers.         to say that she’s   jeans are and then
                                                          Oh! And a new fiancé! You’re              literally never   spends all of dinner
                                                                                                    seen you this
                                                           so ready for marriage...and                              asking how he’d sup-
                                                                                                       happy.
                                                                all that #sponcon.                                   port you financially.
                                                                                                                         S A Y   Y O U R
                                                                                                                         G O O D B Y E S



                                                                                                               (With a quick stop at
           10  Cosmopolitan  Februar y 2020
                                                                                                                the Fantasy Suite!)
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