Page 165 - English for Writing Research Papers

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8.10 Remove redundancy

One of the most effective ways to gain your reader's attention is to remove words
that serve no purpose.

Compare S1 and S2, which are the first sentence in an Introduction:
S1. The pollution from hexavalent chromium affects both groundwater and soils at many
contaminated sites , as a result of diverse industrial activities in which the metal is used ,
such as metal finishing and electroplating, production of pigments in dyes, inks, and

plastics, and tannery leather factories. [45 words]
S2. Hexavalent chromium pollutes both groundwater and soils as a result, for example, of
metal finishing and electroplating, the production of pigments in dyes, inks, and plastics,

and emissions from tanneries. [30 words]
In S1 the phrases in italics add no value for the reader. The real meat is highlighted
in S2, which uses 33% fewer words to express exactly the same concept.

To learn how to remove redundancy see Chapter 5 .

8.11 Think about the types of words that attract attention

There are various types of nouns, which vary greatly in impact.

Nouns and abbreviations like ANOVA, spectrometry, equation , i.e. words specifi c to
particular disciplines, are key words and will always attract the reader's attention.

Nouns like process, characterization, phase are commonly used in science but do
not attract attention and can often be deleted ( 5.4 ).

Nouns like speed, brightness and lightness are concrete words, but are often less
effective than their adjectival equivalents, as demonstrated by S2:

S1. Oriental lacquers have been used since ancient times in East Asia as coatings for every
kind of surfaces, because of their brightness, toughness and durability .
S2. Oriental lacquers are bright, tough and durable . They have thus been used since ancient
times in East Asia as coatings for all kinds of surfaces.
S2 also highlights how changing the structure of a sentence can lead to a more dra-
matic impact.

Readers are more interested in reading specifics than general concepts ( 5.5 ).

Particularly when you give your key findings, you need to use the most concrete and

specific words and phrases possible. If you don’t, you are in danger of losing the

attention of the reader.