Page 299 - English for Writing Research Papers

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original version (ov) revised version (rv)
The four practices, which had been The four practices had a list size ranging
previously identified as having list sizes between 4750 and 8200. They comprised:

between 4750 and 8200, comprised

firstly an inner city practice (hereafter • an inner city practice with an ethnically
Type 1) with an ethnically diverse diverse population, where the team fre-
population for which the team frequently quently required translators for primary
required translators for primary care care consultations
consultations, secondly, two urban • two urban practices with average levels of
practices with average levels of socio- socio-economic deprivation
economic deprivation (Type 2), and
thirdly, a mixed urban/rural practice • a mixed urban/rural practice
(Type 3).

In the first three lines of the OV, two pieces of information are included, where the
additional information is placed between commas (in italics below):
The four practices, which had previously been identifi ed as having list sizes between 4750 and

8200 , comprised firstly an …
This kind of construction should not be used too often as it separates the subject

( practices ) from the verb ( comprised ) – see Sect. 2.6 . Readability is generally
increased when the subject and verb are close together, as in the RV. The next lines
of the OV then continue with a list of three items. It is much easier if these items are
put into three different sentences.

16.9 Can I use bullets?

The second RV in 16.8 uses bullets to list the three types of practices. This makes it
easier to read and also provides variety in the layout. However, refer to your jour-
nal’s style guide to check whether bullets are permissible.

You only need to number your bullets if each bullet describes a step that is part of a
chronological sequence.