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THE BIG BROWN BAG PAGE #3

always wanted to teach you the important lessons of life. Life is long and not always
fair. You were very stubborn, and I knew that this behavior would land you in trouble.

But dear, you were also the only one who was the most sensitive. You have a golden
heart. You were the only one who noticed that I would get into my shell. You were the
only one who cared about my absence. Everyone else was too busy in their lives. They
might have noticed, but did not pay any heed to my disappearance.

Your grandfather was gone, much before I understood love or responsibility. I was
just thirty-years old with four kids. I grew up too soon in life and was very lonely. No
one was interested in my life. Maybe, I had built a strong wall around me to protect
myself which pushed people away. But you were the only one who persistently made
efforts to break the wall. I know I was harsh to people around me. Even You.

And today I am leaving behind this little secret of mine. I had always thought that this
would go with me. But you have all the right to know. I know it will mean a lot to
you. Because of the love you gave, me I want to give you my little secret.

I leave the decision to you whether you want to share it with others or not. It is now
your secret.
God Bless you always!

Ma

I couldn’t stop my tears. I had wiped them so many times to finish reading the letter. I put it
down and cried hard. I was so wrong about her. She loved me. I always thought she hated me. I
never ever imagined she was always fond of me. That she trusted only me to give the secret to. I
had thought it was a one-sided love affair with my grandma. I was so wrong.

After composing myself, with trembling hands I took out the other brown bag within this
one. Again, the orderliness was so familiar. I looked inside. My eyes widened with surprise at
the beauty of a red Silk Kanjivaram Saree neatly resting inside. It also had a note “This saree
transformed me every time I wore it. It gave me a few hours of a new life, and I cherished that
image of mine in front of the mirror. Your grandfather gave this to me just before he passed
away, and I could never wear it for him. Now, it is yours.” Ma.
I was crying. And in between my sobs, I said. “Ma. I always sensed your soft heart inside your
strong outside. This saree and the sentiments are yours and will always be yours. I will break
the traditions, of the last rituals.”
Most of my family members supported me, and we cremated her, against the traditions, in her
beautiful red Kanjivaram saree!

Watching her turn into ashes in the fire, I whispered “Go ma, be transformed forever! I love you
and will miss you. Thank you for making me your secret partner!”

Part One The End Part Two

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DesiPages DFW | JUNE 2020 VOL 16 | 36