Page 347 - SHERLOCK transcripts

346

SHERLOCK: The best and bravest man I know – and on top of that he actually knows how to do
stuff.
(John lowers his head and chuckles with embarrassment.)
SHERLOCK: ... except wedding planning and serviettes – he’s rubbish at those.
JOHN: True!
(The guests laugh.)
SHERLOCK: The case itself remains the most ingenious and brilliantly-planned murder – or
attempted murder – I’ve ever had the pleasure to encounter; the most perfect locked-room
mystery of which I am aware. However, I’m not just here to praise John – I’m also here to
embarrass him, so let’s move on to some ...
LESTRADE (interrupting): No-no, wait, so how was it ... how was it done?
SHERLOCK: How was what done?
LESTRADE: The stabbing.
(Sherlock looks down awkwardly for a few moments, then raises his head.)
SHERLOCK: I’m afraid I don’t know. I didn’t solve that one. That’s ... (he pauses) ... It can
happen sometimes. It’s very ... very disappointing.
(He looks reflective for a second, then takes a breath and looks out to the guests again.)
SHERLOCK: Embarrassment leads me on to the stag night. Of course there’s hours of material
here, but I’ve cut it down to the really good bits.

FLASHBACK. An entry from John’s blog entitled “The Mayfly Man” drifts across the screen. It
starts, ‘We’d just returned from a quiet, civilised evening in the pub ...’ The entry fades from
view and we’re in Molly’s lab at Bart’s.
MOLLY: Murder scenes?
(She turns and looks at Sherlock standing beside her.)
MOLLY: Locations of ... murders?
SHERLOCK: Mmmm, pub crawl – themed.
MOLLY: Yeah, but why-why can’t you just do Underground stations?
SHERLOCK (wrinkling his nose in distaste): Lacks the personal touch. We’re going to go for a
drink in every street where we ...
MOLLY (joining in, then finishing his sentence for him): ... every street where you found a
corpse! Delightful(!) Where do I come in?
SHERLOCK: Don’t want to get ill. That would ruin it – spoil the mood.
MOLLY: You’re a graduate chemist. Can’t you just work it out?
SHERLOCK: I lack the practical experience.
(He smiles at her. She looks at him straight-faced and her voice drops half an octave.)
MOLLY: Meaning you think I like a drink.
SHERLOCK: Occasionally.
MOLLY: That I’m a drunk.
SHERLOCK (quickly): No. No!
(She sternly holds his gaze. He looks away, blinking for a couple of seconds, then finally finds
something to say.)
SHERLOCK: You look ... well.
MOLLY (smiling slightly): I am.
SHERLOCK: How’s ...
(He looks to the side, clearly searching his brain for the name before finally finding one which
he doesn’t seem totally confident of, because he offers it very tentatively.)
SHERLOCK: ... Tom?
MOLLY: Not a sociopath.
SHERLOCK: Still? Good.
MOLLY (smiling at him): And we’re having quite a lot of sex.
(Sherlock offlines momentarily, his eyes flickering between her and mid-air before he can move
on.)
SHERLOCK: Okay.
(He takes a large folder full of papers from his coat and puts it on the table.)
SHERLOCK: I want you to calculate John’s ideal intake, and mine, to remain in the sweet spot
the whole evening.
(The folder appears to be full of his and John’s medical records and other personal
documentation. Molly looks at what seems to be a birth certificate.)
SHERLOCK: Light-headed, good ...

Transcripts by Ariane DeVere (arianedevere@livejournal.com)