Page 343 - SHERLOCK transcripts

342

(Our boys are at the entrance to the barracks. John has given his wallet containing his military
ID card to the duty sergeant.)
JOHN: We’re here to see Private Stephen Bainbridge.
DUTY SERGEANT: He’s on duty right now, sir ... (he hands the wallet back) ... but I’ll certainly
let him know when he’s free.
SHERLOCK: And when will that be?
DUTY SERGEANT: Another hour.

Bainbridge, with another Foot Guard, is on duty outside the gates of the barracks. He stands
fixed in position and tourists take photographs. Over the other side of the road and a few yards
back from the pavement, Sherlock and John are sitting on a bench in the park looking towards
the gates.
SHERLOCK: Do you think they give them classes?
JOHN: Classes?
SHERLOCK: How to resist the temptation to scratch their behinds?
JOHN: Afferent neurons in the peripheral nervous system.
(Sherlock turns his head slightly in John’s direction.)
JOHN: Bum itch.
SHERLOCK: Oh!
(They sit in silence for a few seconds.)
SHERLOCK: So why don’t you see him any more?
JOHN: Who?
SHERLOCK: Your previous commander, Sholto.
JOHN: “Previous commander.”
SHERLOCK (briefly closing his eyes awkwardly): I meant “ex.”
JOHN: “Previous” suggests that I currently have a commander.
SHERLOCK: Which you don’t.
JOHN: Which I don’t.
SHERLOCK (with a small smile): ’Course you don’t. He was decorated, wasn’t he? A war hero.
JOHN: Not to everyone. He led a team of crows into battle.
SHERLOCK: “Crows”?
JOHN: New recruits. It’s standard procedure; break the new boys in – but it went wrong. They
all died; he was the only survivor. The press and the families gave him hell. He gets more death
threats than you.
SHERLOCK: Oh, I wouldn’t count on that.
JOHN: Why have you suddenly taken an interest in another human being?
SHERLOCK: I’m ... chatting.
(John raises his eyebrows and looks round at him. Sherlock half-turns his head and looks at him
out of the corner of his eye.)
SHERLOCK (turning his head back to the front): Won’t be trying that again.
JOHN: Changing the subject completely ... (he pulls in a breath through his nose, then looks at
Sherlock again) ... you know it won’t alter anything, right, me and Mary, getting married? We’ll
still be doing all this.
SHERLOCK: Oh, good.
JOHN: If you were worrying.
SHERLOCK: Wasn’t worried.
(John looks down and chuckles thoughtfully.)
JOHN: See, the thing about Mary – she has completely turned my life around; changed
everything. But, for the record, over the last few years there are two people who have done
that ... and the other one is ...
(He looks round. Sherlock is no longer sitting at his side.)
JOHN: ... a complete dickhead.
(He looks all around the park but there is no sign of said dickhead.)

Inside the barracks, the duty sergeant sits at his desk looking through paperwork. Through the
window behind him, three pairs of Guards march past, only the upper part of their bodies and
their bearskins visible. A seventh bearskin-wearing person marches behind them ... except that
this one is wearing a highly non-regulation Belstaff coat.
Outside, Sherlock marches along behind the others, smartly swinging his arms, then he stops,
takes off the bearskin and puts it down on a nearby ledge. Using the window above the ledge as

Transcripts by Ariane DeVere (arianedevere@livejournal.com)