Page 348 - SHERLOCK transcripts

347

(He hands her a picture of Vitruvian Man [click for image] with a photograph of John’s head
stuck over the original head.)
MOLLY: Urinating in wardrobes, bad.
SHERLOCK: Hmm.

PUB. Sherlock stands at the bar and looks at the barman.
SHERLOCK: Two, er ... beers, please.
BARMAN: Pints?
(Sherlock takes two tall and slender glass graduated cylinders from his coat pockets and puts
them onto the bar. [Thanks to opaljade for the correct terminology.])
SHERLOCK: Four hundred and forty-three point seven millilitres.
(Shortly afterwards he takes the cylinders, now almost full of beer, over to the nearby bench
where John is standing and puts them onto the table.)
JOHN: Ah...
(He looks at them in disbelief, then sighs heavily while Sherlock takes out his phone, selects an
app and puts it onto the bench. The phone’s stopwatch starts up.)
JOHN (picking up his cylinder): What, are we on a schedule?
SHERLOCK: You’ll thank me.
(Smiling, he clinks his own cylinder against John’s and they drink.)

NEXT PUB. Sitting at a table in a bar, the boys clink their cylinders together and drink.

NEXT PUB. Standing at the bar, Sherlock drains his cylinder, grins widely, then delicately wipes
his lip. He seems to be feeling the beer a little. John looks down into his own cylinder with
perhaps a disappointed expression.

NEXT PUB. John takes a long pull on his drink and hums appreciatively, while Sherlock looks
thoughtfully at the level of beer remaining in his own cylinder. They both turn and look down at
Sherlock’s phone on the bar, then John puts down his cylinder and Sherlock bends to look at the
level.

NEXT PUB. They clink their cylinders together again.
JOHN: Cheers.
SHERLOCK: Cheers.
(They drink. Sherlock is holding his phone in his other hand, updating their alcohol levels.)

NEXT PUB. Sitting at a table, the boys drain their latest beers, grimace and then put the
cylinders onto the table. This bar has loud music playing. John turns and looks all round the
room. Sherlock points over John’s shoulder.
SHERLOCK: Over there.
JOHN (leaning closer): What?
SHERLOCK: Toilets. Any second now, you’re going to ...
JOHN (putting a hand on his arm): Hang on. Tell me after – I need the loo. (He gets up.)
SHERLOCK: Mmm, on schedule.
JOHN (turning back): Eh?
SHERLOCK: Nothing – go!
(John stumbles off, while Sherlock looks at his phone and pulls up his charts which will measure
urine output against blood alcohol level. He updates the alcohol level chart and finishes it with a
fancy flourish.
A little while later John returns to the table.)
SHERLOCK: How long?
JOHN: Sorry?
SHERLOCK: Your visit.
(John sits down and gives him a quizzical look. Sherlock looks down at his chart.)
SHERLOCK: If you could estimate approximate volume discharged ...
JOHN: Stop talking now.
(He half-winks at him.)

NEXT PUB. John is alone at the bar, and he takes a shot glass full of – presumably – whiskey
from the barman.
JOHN: Ooh, er ...

Transcripts by Ariane DeVere (arianedevere@livejournal.com)