Page 360 - SHERLOCK transcripts

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SHERLOCK: Security guard, gardener, cook, maid, private nurse. He’s romancing his way up a
pecking order, somebody’s pecking order.
(He closes his eyes.)
SHERLOCK (sternly to himself): Come on, think.
(His eyes open again.)
SHERLOCK: Unless ...
(He twitches a small, brief smile and turns to Gail.)
SHERLOCK: Do you have a secret you’ve never told anyone?
ALL FIVE WOMEN (simultaneously): No.
(Sherlock smiles.)
SHERLOCK: Gotcha.
JOHN (suddenly at his side again): What d’you mean?
SHERLOCK: Everyone has secrets, and they all replied too quickly.
GAIL (looking anxious): Gotta go.
(She walks away, and there’s a brief electronic sound of her logging off in the real world.)
CHARLOTTE: See ya.
(She too turns to leave/log off.)
SHERLOCK: No!
ROBYN: Bye-bye. (She leaves/logs off.)
SHERLOCK: Wait!
VICKY: Sorry, sexy. (She winks at him.) Some secrets have to stay secret.
(She walks away/logs off.)
TESSA (smiling at him): Enjoy the wedding.
(Sherlock makes an exasperated sound as she walks away/logs off.
In 221B, Sherlock shuts down the lid on Tessa’s laptop and straightens up.)
SHERLOCK: Why? Why would he date all of those women and not return their calls?
JOHN: You’re missing the obvious, mate.
SHERLOCK (turning to him): Am I?
JOHN: He’s a man.
SHERLOCK (slamming the lids down on each of the laptops by turn): But why would he change
his identity?
JOHN: Maybe he’s married.
(Sherlock slowly straightens up as if realising something.)
SHERLOCK: Ohh.

RECEPTION.
SHERLOCK: Married. Obvious, really. Our Mayfly Man was trying to escape the suffocating
chains of domesticity ...
(John grimaces and shakes his head while Mary widens her eyes briefly and then smiles at him.)
SHERLOCK: ... and instead of endless nights in watching the telly or going to barbecues with
awful dreadful boring people he couldn’t stand, he used his wits, cleverness and powers of
disguise ... (he finally takes a breath, and smiles slightly) ... to play the field. He was ...
(He stops when he realises that he has lost his audience again. The guests look silently back at
him. He looks down to his right to see John looking back at him straight-faced and Mary
wrinkling her nose and shaking her head slightly.)
SHERLOCK: On second thoughts I probably should have told you about the Elephant in the
Room. However, it does help to further illustrate how invaluable John is to me. I can read a
crime scene the way he can understand a human being. I used to think that’s what made me
special – quite frankly, I still do. But a word to the wise: should any of you require the services
of either of us, I will solve your murder, but it takes John Watson to save your life. Trust me on
that – I should know. He’s saved mine so many times, and in so many ways.
(He holds up his phone.)
SHERLOCK: This blog is the story of two men and their frankly ridiculous adventures ...
(He smiles, and the guests chuckle.)
SHERLOCK: ... of murder, mystery and mayhem. But from now on, there’s a new story – a
bigger adventure.
(He looks down at the newlyweds, who smile happily.)
SHERLOCK: Ladies and gentlemen, pray charge your glasses and be upstanding.
(He picks up his own glass while the guests do likewise and stand up. The photographer walks
forward with his camera.)

Transcripts by Ariane DeVere (arianedevere@livejournal.com)