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196 REL ATIONSHIPS

Rejection SEE ALSO
‹
‹ 186–187 Communication skills
194–195 Dating
Everyone goes through rejection at some point, perhaps in a Unhealthy relationships 200–201 ›
friendship, a relationship, or a job. Rejection hurts and can stir up Breakups 202–203 ›
a variety of emotions, but how a person handles the experience will
affect how long those feelings last.

Unrequited interest GOOD T O KNO W

When a person is romantically or How it feels
sexually interested in someone who Rejection affects people in different
doesn’t feel the same way in return, ways. It can be felt mildly or deeply and
it can cause the person to feel it can hurt emotionally or physically – it
hurt. This can lead to feelings of all depends on how much an individual
not being good enough when, in cared for the rejector. Even if the
reality, those two people just aren’t individual doesn’t have strong feelings
a good match. Brain scans show that towards the other, rejection can still be
rejection and physical pain are dealt hurtful if it affects a person’s confidence.
with by the same areas of the brain,
which helps to explain why rejection △ Facing rejection
can feel so painful. It’s difficult, but the feelings of pain and
rejection do pass with time.

Avoiding negativity Don’t fixate
Individuals react to rejection in various ways. Focusing on the person who rejected you will
Some become self-critical, which can lead make you feel worse, and won’t help you deal
to feelings of low self-esteem and other with the situation. Keep your mind and body
negative emotions. Acknowledging and active, such as by playing music or sport.
experiencing these feelings are part of
the process of moving on. If the negative
feelings remain, the person may need to
set goals to act on and push themselves
to move on. Limit time alone
Isolating yourself can make you lose
P ARENT TIPS perspective and feed negative emotions.
How to help Hang out with family and friends who care
about and love you – and remember, they
If your teen is hurting from a rejection, you want to spend time with you.
have to follow their lead. While you want to
try to make it all better, your attention may
actually make them feel worse. Make sure
that they know you’re there for them, but Redirect anger
don’t overwhelm them with sympathy and While it is natural to feel angry when rejected,
advice. Invite your teen to do some of their it’s never okay to act on that anger by shouting
favourite activities with you – but don’t feel at, or hurting, others. Doing something physical
hurt if they say no. will help, such as exercise or dancing.

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