Page 25 - Healthy (March - April 2020)

BODY CONFIDENCE

Tapping into times you’ve felt
charming and witty can help to
reconnect with your sex appeal

path. ‘She told me of, and after that I started
chatting to men I was interested in, rather than
those I thought would be… desperate enough?
Meeting men I found attractive was still nerve-
wracking, but I started to feel sexier just because
I wanted to lirt with them.’
Zarroug says the times we feel most sexy
are often outside the bedroom. ‘Think about
moments when you’ve felt charming and witty
– tapping into that can help you reconnect with
your sex appeal. It has nothing to do with how
you feel about your body, but the energy you get
from that can transform itself into your body,’ she
says. Within six months, Meghan met someone
she clicked with. ‘And then I had more anxiety
about him seeing me naked, and what he might
think about my hips and bum. Sex felt like
something to get out of the way rather than enjoy.’
Body image has a huge impact on your sexual
self-esteem, because a sexual relationship isn’t just
with your partner, but also with yourself. ‘If it’s
negative, it can mean you struggle with being
touched or feel self-conscious, which takes you out
of the sexual experience and enjoying how you’re
being touched, the temperature, the texture, what
it feels like to be in the moment,’ says Zarroug. but there are often changes to adjust to, and some
Indeed, one in ive of us say the quality of sex has patients grieve for the person they were and the
been negatively impacted because of body image. loss of experiences they thought they might have.’
To combat this, ‘focus on the parts of your Those changes don’t have to be visible for it to
body that you love, to change the narrative. It can trigger low body conidence, but Care says that
be something as subtle as appreciating how soft when they are, patients often need to develop
your skin is, or something functional – “These are additional coping strategies. ‘How other people
the legs that carry me from place to place,”’ says respond to you can be a challenge. A minority of
Zarroug. ‘Have the conversations. Everybody has people feel entitled to comment on, even criticise,
insecurities. It’s about normalising it and being appearance in others. Even when the majority of
OK with it.’ In fact, a few too many ‘nerve settling’ interactions patients have are positive, those odd,
drinks led to such a conversation for Meghan. hurtful comments can be powerful and damaging.’
‘And it turned out he was terriied as well. It Care recommends practising one-sentence
broke the ice and we had fun without me having responses that either address comments or shut
to turn the lights of.’ them down. ‘People say things or stare because
they’re curious and don’t understand, and it’s
BECOMING BODY worth planning for how to deal with that. Practise
POSITIVE… AFTER HEALTH polite responses – hear yourself saying them –
PROBLEMS so you feel conident. This can also help you to
Much as we try to preserve our health, a sudden
avoid feeling pressured into oversharing if you’re
*Names have been changed change – after an operation or illness – can be one caught on the hop. And give yourself permission
to reject other people’s reactions. You’re allowed
of the more complex areas of body image.
to not want to talk about it. You don’t owe anyone
‘When a patient’s body changes because of
information on your body.’
a health issue, it can be followed by a period of
Challenge that internal, critical voice and be
grief,’ says Care. ‘You’ve survived something, or
you’ve been lucky enough to receive treatment,
aware of how you’re feeling day-to-day. ‘Choose
healthy-magazine.co.uk 25