Page 12 - Fast Car (March 2020)

UP FRONT New Car News • Appreciating Depreciation • What’s On•Angry Man

THE

ANGRY MAN

You know what petrol
NEW CADDY LOOKS A stations are for? Buying

BIT TASTY petrol.

Or diesel, or perhaps a bit of
Oh yes, we’re well into this. Vans and every level – and there’s nothing to stop screenwash, and the latest issue of
vanning is a bit of us, as these things are you buying one and making it look like this! Fast Car. Maybe a bag of crisps or a
the backbone of Britain (or is that just The new Caddy is set to be a serious packet of mints. But that’s basically it.
Transits?), and anyone who says they don’t contender too – it’s a 100% new clean- You know what petrol stations aren’t
enjoy a cool van is fi bbing. Alright, so when sheet design, made overtly sporty from the for? Doing you f***ing weekly shop!
the new Caddy launches later in 2020 it off (in its styling, at least; we’ll see if they Yeah, I can see the logic of having a
probably won’t look all that much like these offer us a quick version) with slender LED fridge full of milk and bottles of water
early sketches, but wouldn’t it be awesome lights at the back and a thin, aggressive in there, but a cabinet of artisanal
if it did? Those massive wheels, that killer grille at the front. Go on VW, stick a Golf R brioches and continental cured meats?
stance, those mad mirrors, it works on motor in it! Those things have no place in a lling
station. The same goes for owers,
charcoal briquettes, biscuits, birthday
WHAT’S ON MARCH 2020 cards, CDs, jigsaw puzzles, any frozen
produce, toilet roll, cat food… if you
want to do some shopping, go to a
f***ing supermarket. Don’t amble
8th March
8th March about the petrol station with a basket,
Ultimate Dubs
Ultimate Dubs
Telford International agonising over whether to get the
Telford International
Centre
Centre balsamic vinegar or the goddamn
5th-8th March
5th-8th March
Buy Glenda a 5th-8th March Philip Island Classic rst-pressing olive oil while I’m parked
Buy Glenda a
Philip Island Classic
behind you waiting for you to move
5th-8th March
birthday present
birthday present Amelia Island Concours Victoria, Australia
Victoria, Australia
Amelia Island Concours
Florida, USA
Florida, USA away from the pump. Just get out! Oh,
and you de nitely don’t need to waste
8th-9th March
8th-9th March everybody’s time by spending ten
The Big One’
The Big One’
Weekender – Crail
Weekender – Crail minutes getting yourself a skinny latte
Raceway
Raceway either. What’s the matter with you, are
you incapable of existing for half an
16th March
16th March
Initial G
Initial G
22nd March –
French Classic
French Classic 22n d March – hour without guzzling caffeine?
M
i
d
s

D
i
n
a
o
o
k
r
Memory Clinic Brooklands Mini Day y
Memory Clinic
B
l
n
a
and Performance Cars
and Performance Cars
appointment This is the petrol station protocol: ll
appointment
- Brooklandsds
Ace Café - B rooklan
Ace Café
up with fuel, walk inside, pay for your
NEW FAST CAR 29th March fuel, walk back outside, get in your
NEW FAST CAR
29th March
ON SALE
ON SALE The Fast Show car, drive away immediately. That’s it.
The Fast Show
Santa Pod Anyone who does otherwise is getting
Santa Pod
some serious side-eye from me.
012 www.fastcar.co.uk