Page 111 - Men’s Health - USA (December 2019)

1 3 I can’t do therapy—I’m the guy who
is supposed to have my shit together.

RETIRED LIEUTENANT colonel Samantha Dutton, Ph.D., L.C.S.W.,
gets it. “Many men feel they have to have it all together all the
THERE’S NOTHING
time despite how miserable they feel.” But it’s hard to do a good job when you’re
WRONG WITH ME.
miserable, so if you really need your shit together, you can’t aff ord not to seek help.
GOING TO THERAPY isn’t about
something being wrong with you
any more than going to the gym
to work on your triceps is about
TAKE IT FROM MORIN—or any successful person in the history of ever—when she
something being wrong with your 4 GOING TO THERAPY MEANS I’M WEAK.
says that asking for help is a sign of strength. “There’s a diff erence between acting
arms. Therapy is like seeing a tough and being strong,” she says. “It’s easy to act tough by pretending that
trainer, says Amy Morin, L.C.S.W., problems don’t exist. It takes strength to admit you might need help.”
a psychotherapist and the author of
13 Things Mentally Strong People
Don’t Do. “Therapists have special- 5
ized knowledge and therefore can
cut time for improvement.” Mike
R., for instance, a 27-year-old who
fi rst saw a therapist as a college THEY’RE GONNA SIT THERE AND
student for his crippling anxiety, JUDGE ME. I’M NOT PAYING FOR THAT.
says, “Therapy has made a massive
diff erence. There’s only so much A THERAPIST IS, by defi nition, not—as your partner might—with
you can do by writing in a journal disinterested in you. That’s not the terror and resentment of rid-
and talking to yourself.” “not interested.” It’s disinterested. ing shotgun as you blow through

You are, to them, a patient, one a red light. They care enough to
of approximately fi fteen the assess the damage, not enough to
2 average therapist sees in a week. judge. (This is helpful to keep in
They’re not caught up in your mind even if you’re in therapy. One
Okay, fine. Maybe life. They’re professionals, so survey revealed that 93 percent
something’s kind of they look at you in the same mat- of people lie to their therapists.

broken. But ter-of-fact way your mechanic Among the prime motivations are
looks at your car’s transmission, shame and fear of judgment.)
therapy CAN’T FIX ME.
THAT’S NOT THE POINT. “Think of your
therapist as a consultant, much like you would
think about your accountant or attorney,” says
David Wexler, Ph.D., executive director of the
Relationship Training Institute. A therapist
helps you understand and manage—not fix.

MEN’S HEALTH / December 2019 113