Page 32 - Cosmopolitan - USA (February 2020)

y o u

Which “It was about the pasta, James.”

Vanderpump

Rules star MOSTLY A’S
Giggy

Drama? You got
is your petty the wrong gal. You
just sit back, relax,
and let the chaos

t win? play out in front of
you. After all, it’s
kind of hard to be
upset when people
We don’t make the rules, Bravo Andy does.
call you cute and
provide snuggles
B y T A Y L O R A N D R E W S
24/7.

1. The waiter drops
off the check at your
coworker’s birthday
dinner, and someone
suggests an even MOSTLY B’S
split. You... Lisa
Vanderpump
a Hand over my CC.
And next time, I’m Most of the time,
going for the $$$ you’re super mature
entrée. and above childish
fights. But your
b Pull out a pen, grab
judgmental side
the receipt, and Albert
comes out when
Einstein this bill into
people don’t meet
eight lil bills. Justice
your standards.
for all.
b That time my work wife What, like it’s
c Venmo the host for took a lunch break hard?
my smol, sad salad 3. Your roommate without me. Rude.
left an empty toilet-
and tip. I won’t be
paper roll on the c When bae made me a c Say, “I heard he’s using
held accountable for dispenser. You… ham instead of turkey
Debbie’s truffle fries. you to make his ex
a Pop on a new one? Is sammie. Do they know jealous.” That’ll shut it
me at all? down.
2. You just found out that bad, or...?
that your OG BFF b Get some TP from MOSTLY C’S
and middle school under the sink, rip off 5. Your friend won’t 6. Ugh, you weren’t Jax Taylor
crush made out—and a few squares, then STFU about her new invited to a pre-
kept it a secret for put it back. situationship. When game because your You love to weigh in M AIN IM AGE AND TAYLOR: CHARLES SYKES/BR AVO. VANDERPUMP POINTING: NICOLE WEINGART/BR AVO. GIGGY: GET T Y IM AGES.
10 years. You… she brings them up frenemy is hosting. on things that don’t
c Keep a secret stash of again, you... You... involve you at all,
a Feel shook but not
Charmin in my room a Feel her pain. Wel- because mess fuels
mad. What that a Get drunk at home solo
for this very occasion. come to dicksand your soul. The next
tongue do, queen?! and Pinterest.
Sharing is overrated. land, friend. time you feel like it’s
b Wait until we’re out, b Show up anyway and your responsibility
b Count the times she
then sob after two avoid her.
4. What’s the most says their name, then to call out your
Tito’s and sodas. objectively dumb make her take that c Shadily call her out on nemesis’s bad
c DM her high school ex. thing you’ve been many shots. social. Then break up Facetune, delete
mad about? Twitter, call your
That’s fair, and he’s with every friend who
still hot. a Last week, my mom attended. therapist, and eat
made me schedule some beer cheese.
my own dentist
appointment.

26 Cosmopolitan Februar y 2020