Page 29 - April_2018_Digital_Edition

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Poets’ Corner

The Lion and Albert
by George Marriott Edgar (1880–1951)

There’s a famous seaside place called Then Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom-
Blackpool, Quite rightly, when all’s said and done-
That’s noted for fresh air and fun, Complained to the Animal Keeper,
And Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom That the Lion had eaten their son.
Went there with young Albert, their son.
The keeper was quite nice about it;
A grand little lad was young Albert, He said “What a nasty mishap.
All dressed in his best; quite a swell Are you sure that it’s your boy he’s eaten?”
With a stick with an ‘orse’s ‘ead ‘andle, Pa said “Am I sure? There’s his cap!”
The finest that Woolworth’s could sell.
The manager had to be sent for.
They didn’t think much to the Ocean: He came and he said “What’s to do?”
The waves, they was fiddlin’ and small, Pa said “Yon Lion’s ‘et Albert,
There was no wrecks and nobody drownded, And ‘im in his Sunday clothes, too.”
Fact, nothing to laugh at at all.
The Mother said, “Right’s right, young feller;
So, seeking for further amusement, I think it’s a shame and a sin,
they paid and went into the Zoo, For a lion to go and eat Albert,
Where they’d Lions and Tigers and Camels, And after we’ve paid to come in.”
And old ale and sandwiches too.
The manager wanted no trouble,
There were one great big Lion called Wallace; He took out his purse right away,
His nose were all covered with scars- Saying “How much to settle the matter?”
He lay in a somnolent posture, And Pa said “What do you usually pay?”
With the side of his face on the bars.
But Mother had turned a bit awkward
Now Albert had heard about Lions, When she thought where her Albert had
How they was ferocious and wild- gone.
To see Wallace lying so peaceful, She said “No! someone’s got to be
Well, it didn’t seem right to the child. summonsed”-
So that was decided upon.
So straightway the brave little feller,
Not showing a morsel of fear, Then off they went to the P’lice Station,
Took his stick with it’s’ orse’s ‘ead ‘andle In front of the Magistrate chap;
...And pushed it in Wallace’s ear. They told ‘im what happened to Albert,
And proved it by showing his cap.
You could see that the Lion didn’t like it,
For giving a kind of a roll, The Magistrate gave his opinion
He pulled Albert inside the cage with ‘im, That no one was really to blame
And swallowed the little lad ‘ole. And he said that he hoped the Ramsbottoms
Would have further sons to their name.
Then Pa, who had seen the occurrence,
And didn’t know what to do next, At that Mother got proper blazing,
Said “Mother! Yon Lion’s ‘et Albert”, “And thank you, sir, kindly,” said she.
And Mother said, ‘Well I am vexed!” “What waste all our lives raising children
To feed ruddy Lions? Not me!”

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