Page 281 - Kolaj Sharodiya Review Edition

A Letter to My Wife in Heaven

Prasun Ghatak

Dear Soumi,

In the 3 months since you died, my life has gone into something of a deep darkness.
There is no real control. At its best, it feels like a mere procession of days with all the colour
washed out. At its worst, it’s a living nightmare in which I feel like I’m going mad without
you, and the knowledge that you’re never coming back is almost too much to cope with.
Real difficulty is going to bed at night. I dream about the happy moments with you staying
together at our rented apartment where you were supposed to arrive on that day when
you felt sick, and never came to me. It is tough to believe you are no more, after that
happy dream.

There are days when I feel you are very close to me still, and I can almost hear you
commenting on things (with your soft voice).
Other days, I think that’s all nonsense and you are just dead and gone and that your
absence is total and final. Even writing this letter to you feels strange. Can you see it?

3 months on, the cliché about people getting on with their own lives is true and I do find
people actively avoiding me sometimes. They have their own burdens to carry. What’s not
clichéd are the many acts of kindness and the help we have received from our friends
over the past 3 months. Some of them would have really surprised you and are a Source: Internet
testament to how loved you are.

The deep, deep love and companionship you extended to me is of the kind which I know
only comes along once in a lifetime.

I don’t want to sound melodramatic, but my life really is empty now without you. It was
fairly aimless before you came into it. You showed me the path of spirituality and positivity.

Where have you gone? Why did you go so soon? What will I do? I miss you. I love you.

Your husband,
Prasun