Page 131 - Nursing: The Philosophy and Science of Caring

Fr o m c a r at i v e Fac to r 5 to C a r i ta s P r o C e s s 5
Professionals in all fields have to grasp and appreciate this basic
fact of our shared humanity if we are to effectively relate and commu-
nicate, one to another, in ways that are “healthogenic” or “biogenic.”
What is often the most troubling in relationship building is someone
reacting negatively, when the other person’s feelings seem “nonra-
tional,” disruptive, threatening, angry, or inappropriate for the situ-
ation. These instances are precisely when presence and openness and
acceptance come into play in a most essential, sensitive way.
The first Caritas Process: Loving-Kindness and Equanimity, allows
the person to have his or her feelings, both positive and negative. In
allowing and facilitating their expression, the nurse is contributing to
the process of both honoring and accepting one’s feelings while also
creating an awareness whereby the feelings are able to move through
the individual for release in a constructive way. The person is thus
helped to empty out, releasing passing feelings that were contribut-
ing to confusion, fear, anger, and so on. It is known in psychoanalyti-
cal and everyday experiences that an awareness of one’s feelings may
eliminate some of the irrationality of emotional outbursts and give
one more self-control over thoughts and behavior. For example, if
someone is made aware of his or her feelings, it is easier to accept
them, understand them, and see how they are influencing behavior.
There is no right or wrong to feelings; they just are.
It is how we accept, honor, and respond to our feelings that makes
the difference in our emotional and cognitive life world. Once we are
able to honor our feelings, to give ourselves permission to feel, we
are made more aware of the feelings. Then we can better understand
the deeper emotions and situation that may have triggered the specific
feelings.
Eventually, we understand that feelings are universal, that there
is no such thing as a good or bad feeling. Everyone has feelings. That
realization alone may free the person, allowing for equanimity, for-
giveness, and gentleness toward self. Feelings come and go, but we
realize that we are not our feelings. Then one is free to respond to the
situation more clearly, more appropriately, even with a sense of loving-
kindness and compassion. Thus, the expression of feelings is a healing
act in itself.

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