Page 167 - SHERLOCK transcripts

166

JOHN: I’ve missed something, haven’t I?
(Irene takes the collar from her teeth.)
IRENE: Please, sit down.
(She steps back from Sherlock, who fidgets uncomfortably on the sofa as she walks away.)
IRENE: Oh, if you’d like some tea I can call the maid.
SHERLOCK: I had some at the Palace.
IRENE: I know.
(She sits down in a nearby armchair and crosses her legs, folding her arms gracefully to
obscure the view of her chest.)
SHERLOCK: Clearly.
(They stare silently at each other for several seconds, weighing each other up. John looks at
them awkwardly.)
JOHN: I had a tea, too, at the Palace, if anyone’s interested.
(Sherlock’s eyes are still fixed on Irene while he attempts to make as many deductions about
her as he can. His final analysis is as follows:

???????

Bewildered, he turns and looks at John and starts to analyse him:

Looking at his neckline: Two Day Shirt
Looking at his lower face: Electric not blade
Looking at the bottom of his jeans and his shoes: Date tonight

John frowns as Sherlock continues to gaze at him.

Looking at John’s right eyebrow: Hasn’t phoned sister
Looking at John’s lower lip: New toothbrush
Looking just underneath his eyes: Night out with Stamford

Relieved that he hasn’t had a brain embolism, he slowly turns his head and looks at Irene
again. Narrowing his eyes slightly, he applies all his deductive reasoning as she smiles
confidently back at him, and he quickly comes to the following conclusion:

???????

He frowns.)
IRENE: D’you know the big problem with a disguise, Mr Holmes?
(He quirks an eyebrow at her.)
IRENE: However hard you try, it’s always a self-portrait.
SHERLOCK: You think I’m a vicar with a bleeding face?
IRENE: No, I think you’re damaged, delusional and believe in a higher power. In your case, it’s
yourself.
(Apparently fed up with the tightness of his shirt, Sherlock starts unbuttoning the top two
buttons. Irene leans forward.)
IRENE: Oh, and somebody loves you. Why, if I had to punch that face, I’d avoid your nose and
teeth too.
(She glances across to John momentarily. John forces a laugh.)
JOHN: Could you put something on, please? Er, anything at all. (He looks down at what he’s
holding.) A napkin.
IRENE: Why? Are you feeling exposed?
SHERLOCK (standing up): I don’t think John knows where to look.
(He picks up his coat, shakes it out and holds it out towards Irene. Ignoring him for the
moment, she stands up and walks closer to John, who rolls his head on his neck uncomfortably
and forces himself to maintain eye contact with her and not to let his eyes wander lower.)
IRENE: No, I think he knows exactly where.
(She turns to Sherlock who is still holding out the coat while steadfastly keeping his gaze
averted.)
IRENE (taking the coat from him): I’m not sure about you.
SHERLOCK: If I wanted to look at naked women I’d borrow John’s laptop.

Transcripts by Ariane DeVere (arianedevere@livejournal.com)