Page 166 - SHERLOCK transcripts

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JOHN (savagely): You wanna remember, Sherlock: I was a soldier. I killed people.
SHERLOCK: You were a doctor!
JOHN: I had bad days!

Kate finishes painting Irene’s lips.
KATE: What are you gonna wear?
IRENE: My battle dress.
KATE: Ooh! Lucky boy!
(Downstairs, the intercom buzzes. Kate goes downstairs and activates it, looking at the camera
footage from the front door.)
KATE (into intercom): Hello?
(Sherlock stares into the camera wide-eyed and flustered. He talks in an anxious, tearful, posh
voice and keeps looking around behind him as he speaks.)
SHERLOCK: Ooh! Um, sorry to disturb you. Um, I’ve just been attacked, um, and, um, I think
they ... they took my wallet and, um, and my phone. Umm, please could you help me?
(Kate has been holding back her laughter while listening to him.)
KATE: I can phone the police if you want.
SHERLOCK (tearfully): Thank you, thank you! Could you, please?
(He takes a step back and the camera now shows that his shirt is buttoned right up to the top
and there is a piece of white plastic under the collar which makes him look like he is wearing
the ‘dog collar’ of a vicar.)
SHERLOCK: Oh, would you ... would you mind if I just waited here, just until they come? Thank
you. Thank you so much.
(Holding a handkerchief to his cheek, he starts to grizzle pathetically. Grinning, Kate buzzes him
in. Sherlock comes in, followed by John.)
SHERLOCK (still in character): Thank you. (He briefly looks around the large entrance hall.) Er,
ooh!
JOHN (closing the door): I – I saw it all happen. It’s okay, I’m a doctor.
(Kate nods.)
JOHN: Now, have you got a first aid kit?
KATE: In the kitchen.
(She gestures for Sherlock to go into the front room.)
KATE: Please.
SHERLOCK: Oh! Thank you!
JOHN: Thank you. (He follows Kate towards the kitchen.)

Very shortly afterwards Sherlock has taken off his coat and is sitting on a sofa in the elegant
sitting room and looking around. Hearing footsteps approaching, he sits up a little and holds his
handkerchief to his cheek.
IRENE (offscreen): Hello. Sorry to hear that you’ve been hurt. I don’t think Kate caught your
name.
SHERLOCK (in his posh tremulous voice): I’m so sorry. I’m ...
(He turns and looks at Irene as she walks into view and stops at the doorway. His voice fails
him when he realises that, with the exception of high-heeled shoes, she is stark naked. His jaw
drops a little.)
IRENE: Oh, it’s always hard to remember an alias when you’ve had a fright, isn’t it?
(She walks into the room and stands directly in front of him, straddling his legs and half-
kneeling on the sofa, then reaches forward and pulls the white dog collar from his shirt collar.)
IRENE: There now – we’re both defrocked ...
(She smiles down at him.)
IRENE: ... Mr Sherlock Holmes.
SHERLOCK (in his normal voice): Miss Adler, I presume.
IRENE (gazing down at his face): Look at those cheekbones. I could cut myself slapping that
face. Would you like me to try?
(Narrowing her eyes, she lifts the dog collar to her mouth and bites down onto the edge of it. As
Sherlock stares up at her in confusion, John walks into the room carrying a bowl of water and a
fabric napkin. His eyes are lowered to the bowl to avoid spilling its contents.)
JOHN: Right, this should do it.
(He stops dead in the doorway as he lifts his eyes and sees the scene in front of him. Irene
looks round to him, the dog collar still in her teeth. John looks at her awkwardly, then down at
the bowl before looking up again.)

Transcripts by Ariane DeVere (arianedevere@livejournal.com)