Page 168 - SHERLOCK transcripts

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JOHN: You do borrow my laptop.
SHERLOCK: I confiscate it.
(He walks over to the fireplace opposite the sofa.)
IRENE (putting on the coat and wrapping it around her): Well, never mind. We’ve got better
things to talk about. Now tell me – I need to know.
(She walks over to the sofa and sits down.)
IRENE: How was it done?
SHERLOCK: What?
IRENE (taking off her shoes): The hiker with the bashed-in head. How was he killed?
(The boys look confused.)
SHERLOCK: That’s not why I’m here.
IRENE: No, no, no, you’re here for the photographs but that’s never gonna happen, and since
we’re here just chatting anyway ...
JOHN: That story’s not been on the news yet. How do you know about it?
IRENE: I know one of the policemen. Well, I know what he likes.
JOHN: Oh. (He sits down beside her.) And you like policemen?
IRENE: I like detective stories – and detectives. Brainy’s the new sexy.
SHERLOCK (incoherently): Positionofthecar ...
(John and Irene stare at him while he quickly pulls himself together.)
SHERLOCK (starting to pace slowly): Er, the position of the car relative to the hiker at the time
of the backfire. That and the fact that the death blow was to the back of the head. That’s all you
need to know.
IRENE: Okay, tell me: how was he murdered?
SHERLOCK: He wasn’t.
IRENE: You don’t think it was murder?
SHERLOCK: I know it wasn’t.
IRENE: How?
SHERLOCK: The same way that I know the victim was an excellent sportsman recently returned
from foreign travel and that the photographs I’m looking for are in this room.
IRENE: Okay, but how?
SHERLOCK: So they are in this room. Thank you. John, man the door. Let no-one in.
(The two of them exchange a significant look, then John gets up and puts the bowl and napkin
on a table before leaving the room and closing the door behind him. In the hallway he looks
around, then picks up a magazine from a nearby table and rolls it up. Back in the sitting room,
Irene sits up straighter, looking suspiciously at the closed door.)
SHERLOCK (starting to pace again): Two men alone in the countryside several yards apart, and
one car.
IRENE: Oh. I – I thought you were looking for the photos now.
SHERLOCK: No, no. Looking takes ages. I’m just going to find them but you’re moderately
clever and we’ve got a moment, so let’s pass the time.
(He stops and turns to her.)
SHERLOCK: Two men, a car, and nobody else.
(He squats down and suddenly it’s as if he is at the crime scene, squatting down next to the
driver’s door of Phil’s car. Inside, frozen in time, Phil’s face is screwed up with rage while his
hands are raised, about to slam down angrily onto the steering wheel.)
SHERLOCK: The driver’s trying to fix his engine. Getting nowhere.
(Straightening up, he turns and looks into the field.)
SHERLOCK: And the hiker’s taking a moment, looking at the sky.
(Now he’s down in the field, walking around the hiker who is also frozen in time.)
SHERLOCK: Watching the birds?
(He looks doubtful.)
SHERLOCK: Any moment now, something’s gonna happen. What?
(Nearby, Irene is sitting on her sofa which has mysteriously appeared in the field near the
hiker.)
IRENE: The hiker’s going to die.
SHERLOCK: No, that’s the result. What’s going to happen?
IRENE: I don’t understand.
SHERLOCK: Oh, well, try to.
IRENE: Why?
SHERLOCK: Because you cater to the whims of the pathetic and take your clothes off to make
an impression. Stop boring me and think. (Sarcastically) It’s the new sexy.

Transcripts by Ariane DeVere (arianedevere@livejournal.com)