Page 127 - Healthy (March - April 2020)

BALANCE

Only a limited amount can be

gleaned about someone’s

desires from body language

love life over a cup of tea at least once a week,
even when things are going great, helps normalise
chatting about sex, and makes it easier to do so if
you encounter a bump in the road.’

BEWARE THE ‘GENIE N
I
THE LAMP’ DILEMMA
‘Just like Aladdin was restricted to asking the
genie for just three magic wishes, lots of us feel
like we can’t ask for too much between the sheets,
lest we be viewed as picky, greedy or tough to
please,’ says Fox. ‘This can lead to infuriating
situations where lots of efort is being made,
THE EXPERT
communication ostensibly looks healthy, and the
sex is almost excellent, but it falls short because
someone fears they’ll seem demanding if they
make the inal few requests they need in order to
feel totally fulilled.’ Worrying about not wanting
to seem ungrateful is a big problem, so couples
ALIX FOX should make it clear to one another that they
is a sex educator and co-host won’t take feedback and direction personally, says
of BBC Radio 1's Unexpected Fox. ‘“I’m here to learn, I learn from hearing and
Fluids. She is a script adviser I’m excited to do both,” should be your motto.’
for Netflix's Sex Education,
I
and an ambassador for the MAKE ‘SEXCUSES’, F
charity Brook (brook.org.uk). THEY’RE NECESSARY
‘In an ideal world, we’d all be able to deliver and
receive radical, unlinching honesty to each
other without feeling embarrassed, nervous
or hurt,’ says Fox. ‘But if you’re in a long-term
break down because the couple encountered a relationship and haven’t always been honest
sexual hiccup, and presumed it must indicate an about sex, it can be deeply diicult to tell your
inherent, unixable lack of compatibility, rather partner that, actually, that “special move” they
than a need for some good talking and listening.’ do is more “ouch” than “ooh”. You might worry
Here’s how to navigate the conversation. about crushing their conidence, or that they’ll
be ofended by the fact you’ve been ibbing about
TAKE T OUTSIDE OF what you like for so long.’ But there are lots of
I
THE BEDROOM outside inluences that can legitimately change
‘Assessing sex straight after it’s happened, when sensuality, says Fox: ‘Menopause, pregnancy, the
you’re both naked, tired and vulnerable, isn’t side-efects of medications and contraception,
always the best time,’ says Fox. ‘Telling someone stress, what point you’re at in your menstrual
you’d like them to change the way things are is cycle, tiredness – the list goes on. If it’s a choice
likely to go down better if you broach the subject between using one of these as a neat scapegoat
at a calm moment when neither of you is rushed, to explain why you don’t seem to be having
and outside the bedroom – so the space doesn’t the same physical response and are suggesting
become associated with awkwardness and switching things up, versus staying schtum and
tension. Making a pact to check in about your sufering, then use that sexcuse.’

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