Page 128 - Healthy (March - April 2020)

BALANCE

WHAT F
I
YOUR PARTNER
WON’T ENGAGE?
‘If talking one-on-one just isn’t
happening, it might be time for a
threesome – with a therapist,’ says
Fox. Choose a member of the
College of Sexual and Relationship
Therapists (COSRT) or the
TURN TO SOME SAUCY Institute of Psychosexual
RESOURCES Medicine.
‘Sex-themed podcasts can be great conversational
ice-breakers, especially as you can Google one
that addresses a topic you’d like to broach, then
just happen to have it playing next time the two
of you are cooking/washing up/whatnot,’ says
Fox. She recommends Where Should We Begin?, Listening to a sex-themed
recordings of couples’ counselling sessions with
psychotherapist Esther Perel, and the Meg-John podcast together can be
& Justin Podcast, hosted by the authors of the
book Enjoy Sex (How, When And If You Want To). a great ice-breaker
‘Their website (megjohnandjustin.com) also has
afordable, downloadable guides and zines, to often too tired for sex, but I wonder whether
help you brainstorm lists of the things that you’d being intimate more often could be a good stress
be keen to try sexually, are tentatively open- buster for us both.” Now comes the “yeah” – talk
minded about, or turned of by. This can help you about something positive you’ve enjoyed that
and your partner see where you overlap.’ Or you they’ve done recently, to boost their self-esteem.
can head to modernmann.co.uk to anonymously Then, invite them to share their thoughts – “Is
submit a question to Fox – she answers listener there anything you think could help, or you’d like
queries on the Modern Mann podcast. to try together?” This way, talking feels like a
collaborative, two-way process, and you can agree
TRY THE ‘CARE, AIR, YEAH, positive ways to move forward as a pair.’
SHARE’ FRAMEWORK
‘My technique is designed to help you bring up GET PLAYFUL
delicate topics in a sensitive way, that doesn’t ‘A great way to learn about each other’s fantasies
feel like an attack,’ says Fox. ‘First, show you is to each set up a wish list of items on a sex toy
care about your lover’s needs and concerns – for site like lovehoney.co.uk, then take turns to buy
example by saying, “I know that work has been your partner a gift from their selection every
stressing you out lately, and I want to support other month or so,’ says Fox. This can be an easy, Words Hattie Parish. Photographs Stocksy
you.” Set the conversation up in a way that’s low-pressure way to initiate discussion about
considerate and attentive, using sentences that your likes and dislikes. ‘Looking at your partner’s
start with “I”, rather than “you”. Next, air what’s choices can teach you a whole lot about what
on your mind in as inclusive a manner as you types of fantasies have been playing on their
can manage. For example, “I’ve noticed you’re mind,’ points out Fox.

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