Page 80 - Men’s Health - USA (December 2019)

MIND
Jason Kander is also a tough guy. An
Army vet who worked as an intelligence
offi cer in Afghanistan, Kander inves-
tigated some of the roughest criminals
and terrorists in that troubled country—
intense, often grueling work that would
torment him for years afterward. While
enduring this trauma, Kander breezed
into the Missouri House of Represen-
tatives in 2008, then won a hotly con-
tested race in 2012 to become Missouri’s
secretary of state at the age of 32. Four
years later, he presented a fi erce challenge
to incumbent senator Roy Blunt, one
galvanized in part by a viral campaign
video explaining his campaign’s support
for stiff er gun-control measures while
showing Kander, blindfolded, assembling
an assault rifl e. Senator Jon Tester of
Montana sent a message to his supporters
encouraging them to donate to Kander’s
campaign, promising them that “Jason
isn’t running short on toughness.”
Kander lost, but a mere two years later,
tough guy that he is, he found himself
running for mayor of Kansas City—and
82 December 2019 / MEN’S HEALTH
touted in some circles as a potential pres- hard’ is the most millennial thing ever,”
idential candidate. Then, to the surprise and fans in Lucas Oil Stadium booed Luck
of many, he quit the race. In a strikingly as he walked off the fi eld for the last time.
candid post on Facebook, he detailed his “I’d be lying if I didn’t say I heard the reac-
need to work through his unaddressed tion,” he told reporters. “It hurt.”
post-traumatic stress disorder and “A lot of guys talk about strength in
depression. “After I came back from terms of ‘toughness,’ ” says Andrew
Afghanistan in 2007, I always had a story Smiler, Ph.D., coauthor of The Masculine
I could tell myself about why this wasn’t Self. This “might register as physical
PTSD,” he says of the thoughts that raged strength but often gets tied up in notions
through his mind. “I kept telling myself of being independent, being able to take
that I wasn’t worthy of PTSD, because I care of yourself and dust yourself off ,
hadn’t earned it.” Internet trolls smeared refraining from showing softer emotions
Kander for running from his “fake sol- like crying or being anxious, and forcing
dier” status and labeled him a quitter. your injured but still-functional body
Months after Kander’s announcement, back to work.” And you don’t have to be a
Luck made his own unexpected news. veteran of sport or combat to know some-
“I’ve been in this cycle of injury, pain, one who boasted that he “never missed a
rehab, injury, pain, rehab, and it’s been day of work” or “always got the job done.”
unceasing, unrelenting, both in-season Strength was something sharpened daily
and off -season, and I felt stuck in it,” the on a grindstone, and if you quit, you were
29-year-old quarterback told reporters weak. That’s always been the myth, any-
at a press conference. “The only way I see way—the strength myth.
out is to no longer play football.” Veteran But for all the haters who booed
sports commentator Doug Gottlieb and shamed Kander and Luck, there
tweeted, “Retiring cause rehabbing is ‘too were legions of supporters, online and
IRL, who off ered up praise. To Kander,
Vice President Joe Biden tweeted that
“public service takes many forms,
and bravely stepping forward today is
exactly that. By sharing your story, you
are saving lives. Others will get the help
they need because of you.” Hasselbeck Scott Winters/Icon Sportswire/Getty Images (Luck in gear). Michael Conroy/AP (Luck press conference). Barrett Emke for The New York Times/Redux Pictures (Kander in Missouri). Courtesy Jason Kander (Kander in Afghanistan).
says his old teammate’s decision could
help redefi ne strength for the next gen-
eration of players. “It trickles down to
college, high school, Pop Warner. Do you
really want your kids saying ‘I’m fi ne,
coach’ to every question?”
Luck’s and Kander’s announcements,
though entirely coincidental, combined
to form a signal moment in the evolution
of how we talk about, think about, and act
upon things like quitting, vulnerability,
and strength. And it turns out we’ve been
talking, thinking, and acting all wrong.
CHANGE AGENTS Clockwise from
top left: Andrew Luck played for seven
years with the Indianapolis Colts; Luck at
his retirement press conference in August
2019; Jason Kander in Kansas City, Missouri,
in 2019 and in Afghanistan in 2006.