Page 82 - Men’s Health - USA (December 2019)
P. 82
MIND
Becoming
Mr. Brightside
Our minds are programmed to focus on the
negative. But you don’t have to surrender to the barrage
of bad sh*t in your life. BY JOSHUA ST. CLAIR
UMANS ARE HARDWIRED for of it as a positivity ratio, and when it comes
negativity. We dwell on the bad. to your kids, your spouse, your underlings
We assume the worst. We’re and bosses, he recommends aiming for
H way more likely to remember a more attainable ratio of about four to
that one time our boss told us we were one. For every negative comment you feel
sloppy than the ten times she told us we compelled to make, make four positive
were great. And as much as we try to look ones. Baumeister even believes that this
on the bright side of half-empty (-full!) four-to-one ratio applies to other aspects
glasses, we’re just not built that way. The of your life. For instance, if you’re having
human brain developed millennia ago, sex with your partner four times for every
when danger roamed the savanna, ready one argument (sex because of arguments
to ambush and kill us at any moment, and probably doesn’t count), then your rela-
that led to what Roy Baumeister, Ph.D., a tionship is likely positive.
professor of social psychology at Florida
State University, has dubbed the “negativ- 2. REMEMBER THE HONEYMOON
ity bias” that still governs how we think. Nostalgia used to be a dirty word. People
The only trouble is that for all the times prone to indulging in nostalgia were
it might keep us alive, negativity bias also thought to be depressed or living in the
has a way of causing us a ton of unneces- past, says Tierney. But recent research
sary stress. “The negativity bias gives us has shown something else entirely. Far
a warped view of the world,” says John from keeping you down, nostalgia—
Tierney, who worked with Baumeister to yearning for past positive events or
coauthor the upcoming book The Power relationships—can actually pick you up.
of Bad. We focus only on what’s going In one study, people who were prompted power. “When something good happens,
wrong (in the present) and assume that to think of an experience that made them sharing that good news with people you
it will keep going wrong (in the future). “long for the past” before work reported care about makes it more important, gives
We despair, lose hope, and conclude that feeling more motivated and therefore it a bigger impact, and it helps you develop
things won’t change. As if that weren’t worked harder than those who were a bond with the person you’re sharing
already bad enough, Twitter, Instagram, asked to think of an ordinary life event. with,” explains Tierney. Pay attention
and other feeds hit us with crisis after Another study even showed that people to and celebrate other people’s victories,
crisis. But there’s some hope: Through experiencing nostalgia judged a room to too. If they share good news with you,
their research, Baumeister and Tierney be warmer than those remembering an really hear it. A “That’s great!”/“Amaz-
have found real solutions that can help everyday event. Your move: Spend a ing!”/“Tell me about it!” ratchets up pos-
us fight our instincts and keep us out of a moment before your workday begins to itivity. Even better if you put down your
daily emotional funnel cloud. relive a special memory. Then extend the phone for the story and your response. On
good vibes by writing down four key- the flip side, you can also draw strength
1. UNLEASH THE POWER OF THE words that best describe that memory. from negative experiences. Baumeister
RULE OF FOUR points to Shelley Taylor’s research on
Five to one. That’s the famous Gottman 3. PLAY THE (GLAD) GAME breast cancer patients. “The surprising
Ratio, a predictive formula showing that You may not like tooting your own horn, thing was that most of them ended up
couples tend to stay together when they but a proven way to combat negativity is to talking about it as a positive experience,”
have five times as many positive experi- heighten positive experiences, and high- he says. They saw it as an opportunity to
ences as negative ones. Baumeister thinks lighting the positives gives them extra make positive changes: to appreciate life,
84 December 2019 / MEN’S HEALTH ILLUSTRATION BY NEIL WEBB
