Page 30 - Berg_Mortuary_Bishops_Guide

30 BISHOP’S GUIDE

we’ll understand fully. Personally, I don’t want to philosophize about my impending death. Nei-
ther do my wife and children.

What did you do to deserve this? Some ward members have openly asked me, my wife, and
some of my children what we have done wrong that the Lord is punishing us by taking me
away. I reject that idea. Cancer—not sin—is killing me. It has hurt my wife and children that
some even think this way.
God needs him more. Many friends have openly expressed the opinion that I’m needed for

a great mission on the other side of the veil. I’m sorry but death is just part of life. I’m certain
that there’s a great work for all of us, me included, when we die. As comforting as this idea may
be to those who offer it, it is not comforting to my wife and children, who need me here and
now.
Does it hurt? Are you in much pain? These are such personal questions that I don’t like to

discuss them at all except with my wife, my bishop, and my doctor. Few of us want to talk
about hurting—it is so negative that it makes us sad and depressed. In fact, there are times that
I feel like walking away from the next person who gives me a bear hug (now, that hurts!) and
asks me that question.
How long do you have left? I still cannot believe that people ask me and my family—espe-
cially my two teenage daughters—how much time I have left before I die. How could I—or
they—possibly know the answer to that question? The doctors only make guesses, and I hope
they are being pessimistic. But there’s nothing I can do about it anyway. I prefer to live every

day as fully as I can as long as I’m able. But only God knows the hour and the day, and he
hasn’t told me yet. These past few months I’ve taken my kids on trips, taught my Gospel Doc-
trine class, and written fifteen articles and three books—in other words, I’ll work until I can’t
Let me know how I can help. I’ve said this myself, dozens of times. This is well-meaning but
meaningless. I prefer the approach of my neighbor who recently observed that six feet of my

backyard fence had blown over in a recent windstorm. He didn’t ask; he just came over one day,
replaced a rotted post, and repaired the fence.
There are infinite ways to act, to do, to get involved. You can winterize an air conditioner,
water a lawn, wash and iron clothes, fix a meal. Just sitting and listening to a grieving fami-
ly member is a blessing. Genuine acts of the caring are maybe more important than loaves of
bread. But empty gestures don’t do much. Don’t offer unless you follow up.

If you really had faith… Although this phrase is unbelievably cruel, many well-meaning people
have said it to me, my wife, my family. I think we are a spiritual family, with strong testimonies
and great faith. I have participated in scores of blessings that healed others—some of them true
miracles. God’s answer in my case is a loving “no.” Of course, we’d accept a miracle; I pray for