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32 BISHOP’S GUIDE

became ill. But blessings can comfort other family members, too. When the teenager in our
ward was killed, I visited his mother and gave her a blessing. Then I looked at his father. “I
don’t believe that anyone has given you a blessing,” I said to him. “Would you like one?” “Yes”

he replied. No one had asked him before if he wanted a blessing.
Let me talk about death if I bring it up. I’m about to cross through a doorway into another
level of existence, and although I have a testimony of Heavenly Father’s plan, I may want to
express my feelings. Let me talk. Pray with me. Don’t be uncomfortable; I’ll love you for your
understanding and patience.

Express your feelings. The closer to death I come, the more I need to hear that you love me.
“I’m going to miss you” makes me feel good. This may be difficult for you to do, but your ef-
forts are appreciated.
Understand if don’t want to see you. I may feel that this is a time for family only. I may be

concerned that changes in my appearance would upset you. But I care very much that you care
for me. Call me on the telephone, and if I am able to talk, I would love to share some time
with you. Or send me a note. But please know that I care very much about you.
Keep my memory alive. This is a time of transition for my family, a time for grieving. Let
my family members grieve. If they want to talk, listen. If they want to cry, just comfort them.
Grieving is a natural, normal part of the death process, and letting them express their feelings
will make the transition easier.

We need to confront death and dying better. We need to find a way to help that consists of
genuine acts of love and compassion. Especially, we need to be careful of the things we say. The
trauma is difficult enough without unnecessary hurt.

William M.Timmins, a former member of the Holladay (Utah) Twentyseventh Ward, died
26 February 1989, as this issue of the magazine was being prepared. He was a professor of per-
sonnel administration and labor/management relations at Brigham Young University.
WHAT IS THIS THING MAN CALLS DEATH

Text: Gordon B. Hinckley; Music: Janice Kapp Peny

What Is This Thing Man Calls Death?

1. What is this thing that men call death
This quiet passing in the night?
‘Tis not the end but genesis
Of better worlds and greater light.

2. O God, touch Thou my aching heart
And calm my troubled, haunting fears.