Page 161 - SHERLOCK transcripts

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in front of Sherlock earlier. There is a sofa either side of the table and sitting on the left-hand
one is Sherlock, still wrapped in his sheet. He calmly looks across to John. John holds out his
hands in a “What the hell?!” gesture. Sherlock shrugs disinterestedly and looks away again.
Nodding in a resigned way, John walks slowly into the room, then sits down on the sofa beside
his friend. He gazes in front of himself for a moment, chewing back a giggle, looks around the
room again and then looks at Sherlock, peering closely at his sheet and particularly the section
wrapped around his backside. He turns his head away again.
JOHN: Are you wearing any pants?
SHERLOCK: No.
JOHN: Okay.
(He sighs quietly. A moment later Sherlock turns and looks at him just as John also turns to
look. Their eyes meet and they promptly burst out laughing.)
JOHN (gesturing around the building): At Buckingham Palace, fine. (He tries to get himself
under control.) Oh, I’m seriously fighting an impulse to steal an ashtray.
(Sherlock chuckles again.)
JOHN: What are we doing here, Sherlock? Seriously, what?
SHERLOCK (still smiling): I don’t know.
JOHN: Here to see the Queen?
(At that moment Mycroft walks in from the next room.)
SHERLOCK: Oh, apparently yes.
(John cracks up again and Sherlock promptly joins in. The two of them continue to giggle as
Mycroft looks at them in exasperation.)
MYCROFT: Just once, can you two behave like grown-ups?
JOHN: We solve crimes, I blog about it and he forgets his pants, so I wouldn’t hold out too
much hope.
(Sherlock looks up at his brother as he walks into the room, all humour gone from his face.)
SHERLOCK: I was in the middle of a case, Mycroft.
MYCROFT: What, the hiker and the backfire? I glanced at the police report. Bit obvious, surely?
SHERLOCK: Transparent.
(John looks startled.)
MYCROFT: Time to move on, then.
(He bends down and picks up the clothes and shoes from the table, turning to offer them to
Sherlock. His brother gazes at them uninterestedly. Mycroft sighs.)
MYCROFT: We are in Buckingham Palace, the very heart of the British nation. (Sternly) Sherlock
Holmes, put your trousers on.
SHERLOCK (shrugging): What for?
MYCROFT: Your client.
SHERLOCK (standing up): And my client is?
EQUERRY: Illustrious ...
(Sherlock turns to look at the man who has just walked into the room.)
EQUERRY: ... in the extreme.
(John stands up respectfully.)
EQUERRY: And remaining – I have to inform you – entirely anonymous.
(He looks across to Mycroft.)
EQUERRY: Mycroft!
MYCROFT: Harry.
(Smiling, he walks over and shakes the equerry’s hand.)
MYCROFT: May I just apologise for the state of my little brother?
EQUERRY: Full-time occupation, I imagine.
(Sherlock scowls.)
EQUERRY: And this must be Doctor John Watson, formerly of the Fifth Northumberland
Fusiliers.
JOHN: Hello, yes.
(They shake hands.)
EQUERRY: My employer is a tremendous fan of your blog.
JOHN (looking startled): Your employer?
EQUERRY: Particularly enjoyed the one about the aluminium crutch.
JOHN: Thank you!
(He looks round at Sherlock, clearing his throat smugly.)
EQUERRY (walking closer to Sherlock): And Mr Holmes the younger. You look taller in your
photographs.

Transcripts by Ariane DeVere (arianedevere@livejournal.com)