Page 174 - (DK) Danger! Open with Extreme Caution!

MAD MONARCHS (37–68 ce)
Nero

The pages of history are full of accounts of bloodthirsty I murdered two wives, tra la…
And drowned my mother at sea,
monarchs who bullied and harassed their subjects tra la la. Oh, what a musical emperor
(and their nearest and dearest) in truly horrible ways. I am! They say I played my lyre while
Rome burned—fiddlesticks! I took
Some of them were murderous psychopaths, while decisive action: I turned the Christians
others were just crazy for power. Join these unruly who started the fire into human
torches to light my garden.
rulers at the mad monarch’s tea party. What do
they have to say for themselves?

Caligula
(12–41 ce)
Many people think that I’m crazy,
but what’s the point of being
the Roman emperor if you can’t have
a little fun? It was a good laugh to order
live criminals to be fed to the lions and
tigers in the arena. And if any of you
sneak a look at my bald patch,
you’ll be headed the same way!

Basil II

(958–1025) Timur
As the Byzantine emperor, I have to the lame
constantly be on the lookout for rebels. (1336–1405)
One time, my army captured 15,000 enemy
Bulgars. I ordered that 99 out of every 100 I’ll be remembered as the last of
should be blinded, but the 100th should lose the great Mongol warlords. My technique
only one eye. That way, the half-blinded was to invade first and ask questions later.
men could lead the others home. I burned whole cities to the ground,
It was a sight for sore eyes. slaughtered the populations, and built
giant towers out of their skulls.
Not so lame after all, am I?

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