Page 75 - Berg_Mortuary_Bishops_Guide

BERG MORTUARY 75
We need to understand that the critically ill individual also experiences several distinct stages
as death approaches. Such an understanding can provide a basis from which substantial support
can be given in each of these stages, and which will help maintain close, eternal relationships.

Initially, the individual denies that he is critically ill: “There has been a mix-up in the records”
or “The doctor has made a wrong diagnosis; I’m not sick.” Often this denial persists for some
time, even after several physicians have corroborated the original diagnosis. This temporary
defense is usually replaced sooner or later by partial acceptance, and less radical defense mecha-
nisms are adopted.

When the individual is no longer able to maintain his fantasy of health, he may experience
feelings of anger, envy, and resentment. The individual now asks himself, “Why me?” or “Brother
Jones is old; his family is all grown up. I still have much of life ahead of me.Why not him?”
This stage is one of the most difficult for the family and ward to cope with, because his an-

ger is irrational and displaced at random. Family and friends feel his resentment and anger and
then respond either with grief and tears, or guilt and shame. It is natural to avoid future visits,
but this only increases the person’s discomfort and anger. It is important that the individual be
respected and understood. He must be treated as a valuable human being who will be visited
and listened to with pleasure, not merely from duty or assignment.
If he expresses anger against Deity, the visitor should not be alarmed. These feelings are tem-
porary, and contradicting them has no positive effect.

In the next stage, the individual hopes that God will postpone the inevitable happening. He
might say, “if Heavenly Father has decided to take me from this earth and he didn’t respond to
my angry pleas, he may be more favorable if I am humble.”

About the same time, he becomes aware of how his situation is affecting others and feels
sincerely concerned about his imposition. Since extensive treatment and hospitalization usually
bring heavy financial burdens, the individual usually feels sad and even guilty. If the father is ill,
he sees the family income dwindle. The mother may have to work. If the mother is ill, the small
children have to be given to relatives or friends for their daytime care.
Family members, or Church leaders if no adult relatives are available, should do all they can

to help reorganize the household, since the individual‘s depression lifts quickly when he or she
sees that these vital issues have been taken care of.
There is at this time a second type of depression, a silent type. The individual realizes his im-
pending separation

from his loved ones and mourns in much the same way as the living do after the death of a
family member. All of the same human courtesies should be afforded him that we give anyone
who has suffered a family loss. He should be allowed to express his sorrow, and interference